With mil here helping and H around to visit our S, I'm down to 0 personal time to post but wanted to hop on for an update.
When i went into labor my H drove me to the hospital and spent the wee hours of the night walking the halls with me. He was very supportive during it all and I don't think things could have gone better during our time in the hospital. My H even stayed overnight on the hospital couch to stay near our S while we were there. No physical contact, no R talk, but we got along very well.
Now we are back home and I'm trying to keep my PMA up while spending way too much time w/ my MIL. She's a huge help but I'm not used to having people at my house 24/7. She also stresses my H out when she's around so I can tell he wishes we could have come home from the hospital to having time alone w/ our new S to settle in.
At any rate, things are as confusing as ever. H has been staying at my house on the couch while his mom is here. Every night he kisses the baby good night in my room and leaves the room looking very choked up. Then he comes in the morning b4 work to kiss the baby good bye and tells me "we need to talk". Yet he never says anything during the few moments we've been alone away from his mom. I'm in no rush to figure things out but he's very tough to figure out. I wish he 'd just tell me what's on his mind!
Last night as he was leaving he said "I can't keep doing this." I said "what?" Because I have no clue what it is he 's thinking. He then asked if I even wanted him here. I told him I've just been respecting his decisions and that if he wants things to be different between us it falls on him to let me know because I can't read his mind.
He ended up staying in my room overnight and he got somewhat close but didn't manage more than an awkward half cuddle.
For now I have a feeling things will continue to be awkward as we navigate having his mother around... I am also a bit concerned about making this too "easy" by letting him not just stay at my house but also stay in my room. I want certain things in place before we'd move toward R but now isn't the time and we don't have the time or privacy to talk.
Simply put, having this baby has put us on a faster track to who knows where when I know from experience I need to Slow It Down.
BD: Aug 2012 Separated since May 2013 S born Aug 2013 Aug 2013 H agrees to consider 'baby steps toward working things out' H is/was actively seeing someone?
