^^ I get the sense he is committing without committing as well, testing the waters. Leaving the possibility of repairing the marriage and leaving it all at the same time. Tough space to live in Turtle, but you seem to know what you want and what you need.
To all the strong, compassionate beautiful women on this board, you guys rock!
And guys? After all the growth, introspection, commitment and strength you have shown, your next relationships (whether they be with W pr someone else) are going to be the stuff women dream of
ruby, I soooo agree that I would love to have a R with a DBing guy here (if H and I don't end up together) 'cause these guys have done the work needed for a healthy and meaningful future R!!
Tori, thank you so much for your continued support. You may be right that H is testing the waters with wanting to spend more time as a family. But, I do not feel like I want to confuse the boys, nor do I want to give H the impression that we can be the family we once were w/o the M.
Am trying to be open to H but still be true to myself. Sometimes these are conflicting for me.
Second week of new job ahead--need to keep my focus on that and on helping my boys transition into the new school year. Hard to do this w/o my mind wandering.
Honestly, feeling sad about the possibility cute guy & I may not interact/see each other. Just have to put my emotions out here, as it is part of my journey.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
GTO, I admire your strength to set the boundaries and not willing to live together without a committed R. I agree with others, your H is testing the waters. I get an impression that he is not ready to give up his family. Your boys should come first in all of this.
It seems to me that the cute guy is kind of a security blanket for you right now, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to stop the contact for some time, so you could process your emotions.
It is great that you have a new job. Good luck in your second week.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
bug- I wasn't yelling at you. I was just venting my frustrations at his repeated complaints, yet when given the opportunity, he didn't change any of what he complained about.
Sorry if it felt that it was directed at you....so not what I meant to do!
Thanks.
What would have happened if he changed things up? Would you have been fully supportive?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I know I'm pushing you but I also know that we are similar in some ways, maybe not in others. I wouldn't have been supportive in that situation, I would have been waiting for a fail. It was a lose/lose for H.
Hopefully you are a bigger person than I was.
And I'm still learning.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Anyway....Maybe im just a caveman but you seem to have some pretty intense conversations over text - WHY?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
AS, would love to have face-to-face "diet Dr. Pepper" some time as I think we have a lot of similarities in our sitch's and our thoughts at times.
R U anywhere in NE??
Unfortunately no, I'm a Texan, born and raised Wear hats and boots, chew tobacco and ride a horse to work. Just kidding, I am a native Texan but was always more of a surfer dude type, and the horses I ride are steel ones "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, and I'm wanted, dead or alive!"
PS- Why all the intense texting w cute guy? Well, b/c I miss the attention from a cute guy who desires me...even if on a superficial level. BUT, he & I agreed to cool the physical (which has only been twice...although last was Sat night and pretty heated). It will give me more time to contemplate what I want.
hey, bug, I do have control issues. I know this. I thought that was okay with H for so long, but didn't realize that over time he felt disrespected and not heard. He gave his opinions, I just always overruled them if I did not agree (at least where the kids were concerned).
Can I let go of control? Well, I realize I have little control over a lot. And, have really let go of a lot of the little things (don't sweat the small stuff any more). H and I have improved our communication.
10 months of separation today. Life has moved on. I feel like I can do life w H as a co-parent (as long as OW doesn't come back into picture). I'm not sure I can or want to do life w H as my H. Not sure he could ever be the same in my eyes. That worries me. Not sure I could ever really trust him or his thoughts about wanting to be w OW/ think of life w her.
I don't know where that leaves me, but I know I need to let this play out a little longer where H is concerned. See if he continues a "friendship" with OW at work. In a few months I hope I will again find the clarity which I thought I already had.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I'm not sure I can or want to do life w H as my H. Not sure he could ever be the same in my eyes. That worries me. Not sure I could ever really trust him or his thoughts about wanting to be w OW/ think of life w her.
It's amazing how similar our treks have been. I too have these thoughts. I will never again have the same perception of my W. If you had asked me before BD what her strongest trait was I would have told you "loyalty". I would have said "I trust this woman with everything, even my life." Strip away the loyalty and the trust and who is she? Well, that is who she is right now- not the person I married. I don't know what switch flipped in her, but even if she flipped it back I could never trust her the way I did before BD. Would I want to be married to someone I can't trust and who isn't loyal? Right here and now the answer is "no". Maybe I could change my mind in the future, I remain open to that possibility. But I came to this conclusion without anger or resentment towards my W, but just through my own deep thinking on the matter, so it's not my emotions talking.
I hope that doesn't come off as a hijack, I offer it because I think you're having a lot of the same thoughts. In your case I think it's more "front and center" because your H is showing signs of coming out of the fog. It's a little easier for me to shut the door because W isn't on the other side of the door, she's in a different zip code, LOL!
"I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, and I'm wanted, dead or alive!"