Me- LBS or WAS?

[littleGTO]

AS- It is nice to have someone in the same boat...in terms of what we've gone through/ are going through. I'm glad you understand me.

I don't think cute guy is testing me though. I'm quite sure he would have loved to "break the boundaries" and would gladly do so if/when I changed my mind! My worry is that my boundaries aren't as "solid" as I think they are...so probably good we are backing off.

However, I thought about this & wondered what if we had been intimate and he texted me the same "let's just be friends--keep it simple." Right now I would be feeling SO MUCH WORSE.

I am sad that he may not want to continue a friendship at all, as I'm not sure in his mind if a late-night invite would be too tempting. I guess that I'll have to wait and see. Also, maybe it's best if we didn't have contact for a while.

ruby- H & I had a discussion when he came back from LLWS with boys after his suggestion of moving back in "as platonic roommates" to "save the family." I said, "No, that for me to live together again the marriage would have to repaired first."

He seems to want our family life to resume more normally but has made NO remarks regarding wanting to save our R. Case in point...he wanted to drive to his sister's together today for a visit (1 1/2hr drive) to be a family for S9's bday.

I texted him, "You seem to want the family without the M which is the foundation of the family. Without the foundation we are not a family in the same way. It is really not about my comfort level (driving together)...it is about what you've chosen."

I know the last part was not DBing, but if he is thinking of cake-eating (having his family together, but not the M) then I want him to be clear this is NOT going to happen. I'm not okay with this at all.

Some of you might think is a door for him to start to walk through toward the M. I do not. He has to show some interest and work toward wanting to save our M before I will allow him to believe that the family can exist in the same way w/o the M.

bug- You are right that we have made choices for the boys to be involved in the activities we have. Over time this has worn on H. He hated being the chauffeur (sp?) & still complains about it. Do I own the fact that I overruled his complaints about overinvolvement--yes, I do.

BUt, last fall I gave him full reign to decide what the boys would/ would not be involved in and HE LET THEM DO THE EXACT SAME ACTIVITIES AS BEFORE!! SO, ...????