If you are fortunate enough to reunite with your spouse, that enriches your life, it doesnt define it.
This is a really good thought.
I feel hesitant and guilty sometimes saying how great reconnection with my H has been b/c so many on here are looking at not reconnecting and that may yet happen in my future, I hope not...but I don't know for sure.
It just seems like, if H and I were successful in reuniting our M, then I should say how wonderful it is! And that is why I joined this forum truly -- not to become a better "me" but to save our M. That's why I paid money to talk to Chuck --to try to save our M.
But not expecting to, I have learned so much along the way. And if H dies before me, one day I will be alone...and if I'm not okay being "me" then it will be a doubly sad day.
I have learned a double bonus here as well. Not just saving the M, as has happened in my sitch, but learning to be a person NOT defined by the M as well as being a person IN the M. It is truly much better than what we had pre-MLC.
I like your quote RL "completely mature both as individuals and as a couple".
The way I figure it, is if your M doesn't survive, you will be completely mature as an individual (dancing in the rain and laughing). But certainly to add to that the maturity as a couple along with the richness of shared history....I can't say how enough how satisfying that is! (Again with the feeling of guilt and hesitancy.....)
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
rH are you KIDDING me - you feel guilty? You are so sensitive, that's really sweet. But believe me, your happiness at your reconciliation and even your honesty in recounting the little glitches aling the way give the rest of us hope and keep us going. I can see some positive changes in a lot of our sitches, but most are painfully slow.
Like I said, I will follow your story what forum you move to my dear friend.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Rh, your friends on here (I hope I am included as such) love to hear about how you are reconnecting with your h. And I know we all wish you well and are rooting you on.
I can understand that you are hesitant about doing so. Those are your feelings and I wouldnt think of negating them. But I do want you to understand that hearing stories such as yours keeps people going. It gives them hope.
And there is always hope. And to be able to give that to people is very powerful. Coming from someone as loving and open as you makes it so sweet.
I know for me, I love hearing that someone is happy. No matter what is going on in my life.
This forum is about helping others, making connections, celebrating the good stuff and being there for the bad.
So, we celebrate with you, just as we walked the journey with you.
And I am so very glad that you learned to be a person not defined by your marriage. That is so very important. It is what will allow you to have a marriage built by two people who have weathered the toughest of storms and who have decided that they want to continue on together.
In case I do not get a chance to post tomorrow I wanted to send all the positive of the universe your way while you both say TTFN to your H and prepare for your surgery.
I know you will come through the next few days like a champ. Just in time for tepid tea in London. Let us know how everything goes because you know we are all in your corner.
At the very least I hope you get the good drugs for surgery.
