I'm glad you posted. Brought things into perspective for me. I was so busy seeing what I didn't GET I missed what h gave.
You are right
Quote: It sounds as though he didn't explode when you told him you had dismissed the D. I'd rather him be upset about a couple of old drills than you pulling the D, wouldn't you?? The BOTTOM LINE is that you told him you dismissed the D, and he seemed OK with that. Thats STEP ONE.
I was totally expecting him to go off today but he's said NOTHING about it! Not one word about how could I waste all that money getting it DONE but not going through with it?! I realize that and it is a POSITIVE! He's testing me to see if I freak out at the thought of going on this way....nothing to use as leverage now!
Quote: He's returning your calls, being responsible with the kids, inviting you to come over, initiating affection, talking about vacations, these are all POSITIVES, and they are POSITIVES because you are doing what works
Yes, yes, he's doing these things! Even now that there is no d...he called to let me know son was ok after surgery. I thanked him for taking our son to dr. He even made the follow-up appt and is planning on taking son to it on March 1.
Quote: THINGS ARE OK JUST AS THEY ARE
This one will be hard! I'm already wondering how much longer????!!!
Quote: It would appear as though he just needs to make sure in his own mind that the changes you are making will be CONSISTENT, so that he can feel comfortable RECOMMITTING if thats what he decides..
I'm thinking right now that this is IT! He's wanting to know if I'm for real. He admitted this over and over in the session yesterday...he doesn't believe me just SAYING it I have to do it consistently. This is key and our ticket to recommitment.
You are right...I have to focus on me more and he's coming around the more I do that. I have to keep it up!
At least he also admits to being in a position where thoughts of our future together are THERE...he wants a future with me but is scared. I'll have to keep this in mind when I'm db'ing. He's plain old scared silly about getting the old r back...that's all.
I'm grateful for your help. You brought me around to where I can see where h is coming from and I have a new perspective than what I did last night.
I'm going to be happy, ok with things as they are, busy, no pursuing, no obsessing, busy, and looking good. Do more of what works and less focusing on the negative.
