Hi bea- Part of my struggle is that it was over for me and my xh has to keep sucking me back in. I was finally happier and planning for my life without my xh. He, on the other hand, can't completely let me go. He continually does his touch and goes but can't really commit to anything. This time I was sensing something different. He apologized for blaming me for our problems and claimed it was his fault that we got to the place where we were. He acknowledged when he came back the last time, he wasn't really committed to the relationship. He claimed he wants to work things out...but the follow through still isn't there.
I've invested very little this go around so it's ok. It used to be that I would look to see where my xh was in the MLC process but I finally came to realize that there really is no way to figure that out. Still, even after his epiphanies and apologies, he still doesn't get it or he is still scared. Is he moving closer to acceptance? Probably but there are still no guarantees and I have no patience for this anymore. I don't want to settle for anything less than an equally caring relationship. After I've invested years trying to understand why this all happened, I've learned that you can figure out some things while other things you just have to accept for what they are. And right now, what my xh has to offer still isn't good enough for me. Could that still change?...possibly but my xh's track record doesn't make for very good odds.
I did give a somewhat generic reply to my xh's text yesterday and he did respond this morning. And on it goes...maybe....
