One giant leap forward! - Part 5

[T1000]

Oh well, she will balk at anything that she has not had to do.

T, your feelings of jealousy of OM is understandable.......to a point. But it seems to dig up these old inferiority emotions that you missed out b/c you didn't score with several women when you were single. I won't pretend to understand it or how your W & another man causes you to be jealous of a life you feel you missed. But if you don't get it worked out, it could be the makings of a MLC some day. Wouldn't that be something, to finally get the R you've always wanted....and then you be thrown into MLC?

I don't understand much about MLC so I won't pretend I know how they work

Based on the things you said after OM1 and now with OM2, I have to wonder if you feel you have no identity apart from your W/MR. When another man comes on the scene, it seems to cause you to want to go back in your 20's to find yourself.

It does, when there was OM1 it did stir these feelings in me but I managed to hold them at bay and I was hopeful W and I would sort it out and it would be something I had to live with as hard as that may be. OM2 is more of the same, doubled. I feel like it's not something I would be able to just hold in and get past from where I am now.

I spoke with my IC about my jealous feelings and his conclusion was I was normal. I don't think they are normal feelings as others don't see it the same way in the slightest.

I'd like to comment on the EA/PA subject. From the posts I have read from LBH'S over the years, many worry more about a PA and don't take an EA seriously enough.

An EA, for a woman, is an affair of the mind & heart. It involves her feelings, emotions,, dreams and fantasies. It becomes a part of her b/c she carries it around with her at any place at anytime. She can wear a mask while she dreams of OM and what life with him would be like. It can become so intense that it consumes her. An EA can be very addictive, and therefore, it takes a long time to overcome the hold.

I don't doubt the effects of an EA on a woman. W getting over an EA would be hard work and would no doubt take longer. To me personally an EA once it has finished (if it does) is finished. An PA will always have happened. That doesn't make much sense when I read it back it's just how I feel about it.

Men don't want another man to be physically intimate with his W b/c.......well, her body was for him, just as his body was for her, and nobody else should touch the places they touched each other. Am I close?

Sort of. I difficult to put words around it. It's like the absolute ultimate world ending betrayal.

One thing that makes M a sacred institution is when the couple's heart and body is given exclusively to each other. Not in a controlling or dependent way, but freely and lovingly. So if one of them breaks that covenant by allowing a third party in, it disrupts that special bond.

I'm not going anywhere particularly here. Just sharing some thoughts.

That bond will always have the battle damage an A adds to it. That's very difficult for me to get past. I don't know if sorting out my feelings about myself will help that or not. She had a choice two weeks ago, one that would give our family and our M hope but she chose another path that leads to none of that as well as ripping my heart to pieces.