Turtle Goddess she of the hard shell soft

[mizjjd]

Hi everyone.

Thanks for stopping by rH and RL

I am having a rare day off - from both jobs and even from sporting events.

I am tempted by the dark side to spend it brooding over H and OW.
Not because anything has changed - maybe because nothing has changed?

H has become such a different and unlikeable person, how is it that I can still love him? Because I'm supposed to? Because I have for so long?

I want to turn to the back of the book, or stop reading it altogether. Its oppressive, this way of life. Living with that man who doesn't like me, who criticizes so easily, who says harsh and hurtful things.

Brought H a lunch from fastfoodland Saturday. (Wondering as I did it, why I was doing such a stupid thing. H hadn't asked for it, I just thought "it would be nice", that it was something he would like. Not EXPECTING accolades -geesh, as if - but maybe a "thanks". You know, a one word near grunt of gratitude.)

H, "Why did you bring me this?"

J, "Its a gift!" light, teasing tone, "Its good manners to say thank you for a gift, not to question the giver!"

H, "You are not a nice person."

J, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Bringing stupid little things like that is a big part of who I am. I do it for my kids and my friends. Why can't I do it for that, that, that Golem! (Yes! A jewish descriptive! That would doubly annoy H )

Ah well. Shake it off Jaye and stop whining. You know the rules of the game

1. There are no rules
2. There are no winners

Mercy me but the dark side is taking over.

Good things.

I have the day off. S20 and I are planning a feast! (And if Golem starts in, I'm considering locking him in the shed.)

Lots of sports this week! 3 soccer games and 1 football game. Not to mention NFL starts up as well - H is a football fan and is always happier during the season. However, he is a Buccaneers fan... so his happiness might be sporadic at best. Me? Go Pats! (I didn't name my dog Brady after the tv show ya' know )

D19 gets out of jail. This one might be a mixed bag here. Guarded optimism.

MIL is out of dementia! Still in the hospital, and they still need to address her pain, but am counting the out-of-dementia as a positive.

I don't have to pound my laundry on rocks in the creek! Lol, that is as positive a spin as I can muster for laundry But it will be a good thing to get it caught up - especially because this week will be so busy.

Take care all.

Sending out positive energies and hoping they boomerang