Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

I was hoping you would say something else. I feel like asking him to come home earlier knowing he doesn't want to ia controlling a not worth jeopardizing my marriage over?

Consider what you are saying. What he is doing hurts you and makes you miserable, but you don't think that's worth jeopardizing your marriage over?

I think you have it totally backwards; you are looking for something that you can say or do to get him to stop staying out late without starting a fight or making him angry. That is controlling behavior.

Couples fight; it's an unavoidable fact. The trick to having a healthy marriage is not to avoid conflict, but to work through it.

I've said it before. Boundaries are about discussing what behavior is unacceptable to you; it's about asking for your partner to have respect for you. As such, boundaries need to be about behavior that really is unacceptable to you because you have to be willing to enforce the boundary when it is violated. If you don't enforce the boundary, then you are literally communicating to him that it's OK to disrespect you.

He got down on himself earlier saying he wishes he was a better dad and better husband but I tried to make him feel better and then he left?

OK, one of two things is happening here. He is either completely full of crap about "wanting to be a better dad and better husband" and is giving you more hope to cling to, or he's having some kind of existential or midlife crisis.

The only thing keeping him from being the man he says he wants to be is himself. If he wants to be a better husband and better dad, then he needs to stop acting like an entitled ass.

(By the way, when he says stuff like that? That's an excellent time to discuss boundaries.)