I left the ball in h's court today but am at a loss as to what will be happening in the next couple of days.
My h started the session at the mc's prompting by stating that he's still on the fence. H thought to himself that he wants to make all these plans with me but is torn with the thought that 2 years down the road I'll refile and take half of everything so what is the point?
I was crushed but let him vent. The MC validated, validated said my h was feeling disrespected by my actions. I bit my tongue apologized to h and then told him I dismissed the d. I offered by love as a gift to him now and wanted to show him by dismissing the d that I was no longer going to manipulate him by pushing the d. He was extremely hesitant because h says he's seen me talk this way before.
The MC said to h that I was not offering him the old r but a chance at a new love. Then mc read some stats about d, pointed out to h the drawbacks of d, how harmful to us it would be, to our boys, to our finances, to our mental health etc. MC also used some books on d that were case studies of children 25 years after a d. MC also said that h should be encouraged by the changes in me cause he said they have been great in the past month.
H was also greatly pissed that I had sold 2 of his drills when I moved from the house. H said I had no right to sell anything and was now wondering what else of his I had gotten rid of! This after I found out about ow, h dating, h not wanting to see me, etc....come on. H said well she was not suppose to sale anything if she's talking about us maybe getting back togther why get rid of my things! MC said so h you are feeling insecure about finances. So we talked a bit about the drawbacks of after d finances and the risk of us staying m, joining finances. MC said your w has realized her mistake in filing for the d and is now making a promise to keep her wedding vows till death do you part...h said well she's said that before why is it different now?
MC said it is different now in that your w KNOWS what is wrong in the r and is willing to fix it! She's knows her job description. Then MC asked h if he know what his job duties as a h and father were? Did he want to know? No response to that.
MC said also past changes were done with nothing to go on. MC asked h if he agreed to that? That we needed a model or a coach to help us make the needed changes. H said he agrees that that may have been part of the problem with changes sticking. So MC said continued counseling will help our m. MC said you w has grown in realizing what kind of love you need and is offering that to you now.
We spent an hour together but nothing definite was said by my h other than he still did not know. I on the other hand left there just plain old depressed cause now I have no idea what h is going to do. The decision is totally up to him now. MC did say he hopes we choose love.
H did return my call though regarding my son's doctor appt. He met me half way to pick up son so they could spend the night together before doctor appt tomorrow am.
After leaving son I called h's apt knowing he was not there and let him know about son's homework and also that I loved them both (something casual like love ya'll) and let it go.
I so want to get angry though...like why am I taking all the blame here? Like this past year has been all ME? The MC made it seem like that or was he just validating? MC said that things like this happen when spouses get hurt feelings they react emotionally..he made sure to let h know it was because I was hurt that I filed. MC made sure to tell h that in the past 1.5 months I have grown goals that were all about me to ones that grew into wanting to be better for my m (not just me but us focused goals).
Oh, I just don't plain old know. Part of me feels so much better that the d is not hanging over my head that the decision is no longer mine. But I'm afraid h will turn around and hurt me by being vindicative towards me first by not helping me monetarily with the boys and then by filing.
H did say though during the session that 95% of the time what I think h will do is wrong! so we'll see.
