My Story - Need Help... Is there hope?

[truelovewaits]

So Friday was a great day for me. I was truly enlightened, I can't express how amazing it was. Saturday was phenomenal as well. Sunday, well Sunday was another story all together. I was a mess. It isn't like she isn't on my mind as she often is. Sunday, she was front and center. She was there from the moment I awoke. I don't know what type of dream I had but I longed for her. I was sad. Truly sad.

A few triggers later and I was a mess. I spent the day distraught from the unchangeable events of the past and yearning to be able to correct the circumstances that led to my present reality. I broke down and cried. I wrote my thoughts out, and even wrote a pleading letter - but I did not send it.

I wish she knew how much I love her, and how much I want to move past all of this and try again. I wish she knew that I don't want her to feel pain. I wish we spoke. Why is so painful? How can this be repaired? I'll keep GAL and doing what I need to but it seems to be an ebb and flow. Days like today are painful, very painful. I've learned so much and I'm happy for my progress but I yearn for what I lost. Everything today was a reminder, and everything was meaningless without her.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'll keep moving forward. I'll workout, I'll go out with friends and have a great time but I know somewhere she will be on my mind.

I wonder am I on hers? When she makes love does she doubt it? Does she think of me? Does she have any love left? Does she even care? I wish her nothing but love, but my heart desires my wife.

I've never felt like this for anything in my life. I've lost focus. I realize now that the one thing I really want, the one thing that gave life meaning more than anything else was her, it was us.

Sure I'll continue to move on and GAL but today was a reminder that even all of the joy and happiness I have experienced lately has been hollow. Today has been a painful day. Perhaps this is just the emotions of today speaking. Perhaps I dream of an image of something that never was. Perhaps it never could be as I imagine. Still, these thoughts haunt me.