pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[Whiterose]

Hi Linda
Yes. My Crohn's is raging due to the stress and the fact it is ALL on me. H seems to forget he goes to work and then does as he pleases and I am doing everything else while running a business and a home.

So a few things have happened in the last 24 hours.

I have been working into. 10-11:30 every night and yesterday was a long day but I was feeling good. S18 came home from work and he was upset from the get go. It just escalated. I told him I'm tired too and work long hours but am watching my temper and he needs to as well. He says that I'm always being nosy and that my situation is always worse, something H used to say to me, I kept calm but became upset. I eventually went to my room to cry and hang out before I had to leave to tear down an event at 12:30am. I snapped a few orders and sent S14 to bed at 11 and the boys saw I was upset. This morning they tried engaging me but I was firm on chores that needed to be done and some redone as they were incomplete (mowing the lawn) Eventually I asked S18 if they really thought I wasn't doing enough or a good enough job. He said no. He understands I'm doing the best I can, I'm crying now, telling him I understand I'm not his dad but I'm really trying He apologized saying he was stressed at work and shouldn't have taken it out on me. It was a good conversation. Just after it ended he said H was messGing him to go for coffee. I asked if it was just him or his brother too and he said just him. He then said he's been trying to hold him off. I asked why. He said he doesn't want to see his dad that he's angry. I said if you don't want to go you don't have to go. He said he doesn't want to push dad further. I said if you want to go then go if you don't want to go don't go. I said he has all the power here as its about him and his brother and not about me and H. I said no one has taken H to task for his actions and he thinks things Are fine. S answered his dad he's not in a place to see H as he's upset. H asked if it was with him (DUHHHH) S said yes H said OK. Then do you want to talk about it? (S is telling me with each message I'm not asking) I said do you want to talk to him about it? Are you ready or no? S said he didn't want to. H said before you listen to other people hear me out. I was so upset. I said your dad thinks your anger is new. He refuses to acknowledge you've been upset this entire time and now is trying to blame me. I said H needs to understand that this has been going on since he left and should be talking to the boys. Then S said that he thinks H thinks he has talked to him over the years because while driving together over the years H has said he loves me but doesn't agree with me, didn't know how long he'd stay, etc. I was furious. I confirmed what I had heard. I then told S it was NEVER H's place to say things like thAt to him. If he had issues he should have told me. Then went onto say if he has issues with his uncle (my BIL) he talks to him. If he has a problem with my dad he needs to talk to him. That H needs to stop going through S and go to the source S had to go to work so I left it with of you want to keep talking to your dad about it you can if you don't just let him know you're not in a place to keep talking.
Half hour later I get an email. About the house....any progress. I went into action. I packed up remaining clothes, shoes, some photos, his baby stuff, a few things here and there. Boxed/bagged them and left them in the greenhouse at the end of the driveway. I responded like this

"The co-signers and I are working in financing. I hope to have some answers in a few weeks.
I am answering you directly re:taxes. This tax season I had to pay as well.
I've started to pack some of your personal items and clothing. There is stuff for you in the greenhouse, at the end of the driveway, for you to pick up"

H's response
"So not sure how you think that is ok to leave my stuff in the green house.. I also need to pick up the remainder of my tools and some furniture including a TV and my audio equipment unless you plan keeping them and we can agree on a fait value. I hope none of my personal belongings get stolen from the green house I do not want to have to make an insurance claim to replace everything."

My response
"Your stuff is available for pick up after work at your convenience"

H's response
"What would you like me to pick up?"

My response
"Clothes, shoes and personal items"

H's response
"I'm not sure who gave you the advice to place my stuff outside but I guess it's what you chose so we need to sort stuff out because I will be requesting items from the home again and will not be signing any paper work for thé home until you send on all the paper work that has been requested.. I have sent in everything you asked for you should be doing the same if you there is still a lot to go through.‎"

I did not respond. His stuff has been picked up

I know I DB'd all wrong but I needed his stuff out and was so angry at how he's treating the boys We're his lotto win. Doesn't matter who he hurts. I'm so disgusted with him