I think my H is upset at me. Really? So last night when we were leaving dinner my H put the kids in the car. He then asked me why I had an attitude. I had a little to drink so I didn't really have a filter. I said I didn't have an attitude but so what if I did. I think that upset him. He didn't call the kids all day or text me to make sure we got home ok last night.
That's pretty irritating. How does he have the nerve to be upset at me? This is where I am feeling like a doormat. How about I am upset about the situation we are in. That our life has been on hold forever because of whatever he is going through. One day he is the luckiest man alive the next I make him miserable. I am at the point of sitting him down and having a talk with him. I can't go on like this much longer.
I am trying to keep my cool and think it through before I say anything . I don't want to regret it but I feel he is just getting more out of hand. His sense of entitlement is beyond belief.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Patientman are you saying I should start telling his family? I do think you are right. He is always telling me I make him out to look like a jerk but I'm not making him into anything. It's how he acting. I'm so lost and conflicted. I'm off anti anxiety meds that I started taking when he left. The fog is lifting and I'm starting to feel like I am being taken advantage of. He's cake eating and I'm getting frustrated.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Patientman are you saying I should start telling his family?
I'm just saying that YOU need to say and do what YOU think is BEST and RIGHT. Stop letting him control you.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
DFE, really sorry you're going through this. I think you really need to detach from your H, whenever he has a change in mood it creates a change in your mood too. That's a product of still being attached, if you detach from him then his moods will not affect yours.
Being a doormat is more along the lines of letting someone take advantage of you, such as letting him actively engage in an affair while he's still home and you're still washing his underwear and taking care of him. I don't see any of your behavior as you being a doormat. Yes he's affecting your moods, but like I said above that's just you being too attached, you're not being a doormat. You've been standing for your M a long time and you should be proud and hold your head high!
Quote:
That our life has been on hold forever because of whatever he is going through.
DB'ing isn't about putting your life on hold. By all means, live life! DB'ing is in part about showing your WAS that you REFUSE to put your life on hold, it's about showing him that you will be OK whether you go on with or without him. Because you WILL be OK regardless
I feel like the fog is starting to lift. I'm starting to feel that I deserve more and that I can't wait around in limbo forever. H came over and spent the night on Tuesday even after I had said it wasn't a good idea. So when the kids slept I had a talk with him.
I told him this was too confusing for me. I'm trying to move on but he confuses me when he comes and plays house like this then disappears for the whole weekend. He had nothing to say. Not a word. I said I'm trying to move on but he is confusing me. I also said I'm not asking you to move back because I'm enjoying our friendship right now. Again nothing to say. I dropped it and we hung out as friends the rest of the night.
I will have to continue the next time I see him. I deserve to be happy. I've been giving him too much power over my life and emotions for too long. I need to toughen up and not be scared of our family breaking up. Maybe when I stand up for what I believe I may get what I want and be happy.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
I will have to continue the next time I see him. I deserve to be happy. I've been giving him too much power over my life and emotions for too long. I need to toughen up and not be scared of our family breaking up. Maybe when I stand up for what I believe I may get what I want and be happy.
You may or may not get the result you want right now, but I firmly believe that standing up for what you believe in is a vital part of being happy.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
This is the point I want to reach as well DFE You know how similar our sitches are and I feel with this latest development that we're just good friends. He's not asked to stay round at night, I need to get back on the 180 wagon quickly!! I've been getting close to him lately and starting to miss him again in the evenings. This is not good as I've been doing so well up to now! I think you're right in putting these boundaries up DFE You've made it quite clear how it's making you feel and if he wants to get close to you then you've given him the go ahead!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
