Circles no more

[sweetbabyred]

Hi Hope,

It's been a few days since I've been online, so I wanted to answer the questions you posted on my thread on yours to ensure you'd see them.


I moved to this forum yesterday and just had a chance to catch up on your thread. I have often wondered if i would get a "sign" from God or if i was just too blind to see what is right there in front of me. For now, i think i am supposed to be patient and wait for it.

At this point, I'm just being patient too. The only "sign" I've gotten is that I'll get my answer, but I need to be patient, so I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do.

It seems like you do quite a bit of things to stay busy and i need to get to that place myself.

Because I'm not sure what to do with my xh, I'm keeping myself busy. Church gives me hope and takes my mind off my sitch for a few hours, so that helps too.

Just wondering if you feel like your XH is trying to keep you around for a plan B if things don't work out for him. If you do have those feelings, how do you deal with them and still hold out hope for a reconciliation someday?

It depends on the day, but I honestly don't think he thinks of me as a plan b. I think he's confused about what/who he wants and he knows that I'm good for him and I care about him. He has a lot of issues he needs to work on and until he does that, there is no chance for R.


I am really having trouble trying not to contact XW. I don't know whether i should make her pursue me, or if i should ask her out on a date again at some point.

How do you handle the urge to contact your ex? My XW felt that i didn't pay enough attention to her and I wasn't there for her. How do you try and balance those feelings without pursuing?

I told my h at the time that he knew I would have done anything to work on our R, but once the D was final, it was up to him to make all of the moves. Xh chose to give up and while I will be friendly toward him, I'm not going to ask him to do things. It is his responsibility to show me that he wants to be part of my life. I think you should let your xw do the same thing.


Your D was final around the same time as mine, so i see alot of similarities in our sitch except for the fact that my XW doesn't seem like she is coming out of the fog anytime soon.

Hope, my bd was almost 2 1/2 years ago. So xh had a long, wild ride of depression and avoidance. He may be starting to come out of it, but he still has a long way to go.

Were you suprised that your XH discussed a possible future at some point together?

No, xh has often said he doesn't know where our paths will lead or what will happen in the future. He's very passive aggressive and never really said that he didn't want to be my husband, just that this is something he has to do. He wishes we could be together, he wanted things to be different, but he's not willing to put in any of the work to make it happen.

I wish I could win the lottery, but if I don't even make the effort to buy a ticket, I have a snowball's chance in he!! of making that dream come true!

So I really don't give it much thought when he says stuff like this. If he one day puts some action behind it, then I might take it seriously.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this too, but I promise if you focus on yourself you will begin to feel better, no matter what happens between you and your xw.