My Story- Newbie

[confuzed0903]

Well... I found this site and let me say it truely has been a godsend!! My friends tried to explain things... but reading through everyones stories and the similarities is what really HIT home for me with my SO. I want to share my story and maybe someone can give me some insight. Let me know if I am on the right track, have any hope at all in reconciliation.
My SO and I are not married but have been together for 7 years. We have a different story as I am 28 and he is 47. We have a 4 yr old together and I noticed some changes in him about 8-9 months ago. We had a HUGE life crisis when he lost his job of 15years due to his own mistake in Feb of 2013. I sort of blamed him a little for his choices. I think he blames himself some too but wont admit it. He started a new job in April. In May we had another family crisis and his nephew was in critical accident and June 7, 2013 after a horrible arguement he said he was leaving. He was angry saying he was DONE!. There was a OW at his work that kept telling him he deserved better and left her husband a week after we seperated. He and her began a relationship although they tried to hide it at first but my 4 yr old was the one to tell me about things. He decided on july 4th he wanted to come home and try to work things out but after he returned back to work around her july 8th he left again... I was heartbroken as I really thought i tried everythign I was supposed. I filed for child custody suit on july 18th. He was angry hurt and of course was right back with the OW. After a few weeks I tried being nice again and he started dropping hints he was not happy. I gave in and said I think we can work this out. He said he wanted to and wanted counseling.. we went to one session that discussed alot of things I needed to change... I thought I was doing better but obviously I wasnt trusting enough and he shared he still had feelings for the OW. I gave an ultimatum either me or her.. and that meant ending his new job to cut all ties. He chose to not cut all ties. I was crushed. I tried to back up and say that i will give more time but he already retreated right back to the OW. I was going to move out of the home we shared and force him back in it but changed my mind last minute so I am living in our home while he rents a place close to her and his job... We have spoken about our daugter and the home peacefully the last few conversations but...he says he probably wont come home. But he just doesnt know anything right now and dont want to give me any false hope. So now I am just letting go and acting "as if" and trying to make myself happy etc.. and waiting for the OW relationship to end. Any guidance or suggestions to what stage he could be in. And what other advice- is there still hope???? When he was home the second time it was amazing- we talked more than we ever have and worked great together but he kept wanting go stay back at his rented place and honestly i had trust issues with the OW that I was struggling with. BUT... I feel like we could work if he makes the decision to come back on his own.