Geez Louise Nero, all I can say is -- you did GOOD DBing on your brother in law and your sister too in that email you sent her! You're right, walking away is always a good option in cases like your BIL spewing, and one I take a lot as I am apt to burst into tears when people yell at me.
I'm glad you seem to have pricked your sis's conscience a bit, and that you have regained a sense of your self. You are no hypocrite my friend, far from it. You seem to be one of the most honest people I know at looking at yourself, and seeing things clearly.
Snodderly's advice to make sure you are not available on the days your family watches your mom is good! Is your H still planning to come back up to NJ next week? Just what you need right?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17