Window of opportunity or just a mirage

[MrCAS]

Breathe, grasshopper, breathe!

[2ndtimearoundCA]

So the date never happened. W had a work report due, and as of 10 pm last night she still wasn't finished. She text me pic of her computer screen. W has always prioritized her work over everything else.

I am going out of town for the long weekend... So next week maybe... I don't think that seeing each other every three or four weeks will be enough to spark anything new...

I know that w has some interest in spending time with me, but neither one of us are making it a priority. I feel that if I showed too much interest I would push her away. I just wish I knew her motives in wanting to spend time with me...

I think she is working local today. Maybe I should suggest lunch, or at least suggest she come by and get her mail...

[Breakdown]

I will echo bug's and Kate's comments....

You seem to attach a lot of expectations to everything, and then you try to figure out "what does it mean?" Let all that go. Enjoy the time with her and let her lead for a bit. Stop trying to interpret everything....just go with it.

[MrCAS]

Yah! Ya tink to much about tings, fershur!

Expectations lead to resentments... Natural chain of events.

Break the chain.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Yeah... It is hard for me to turn my brain off. I am an academic. I teach economics, statistics, and research methods. I also worked in psychological test development for 15 years ... So I know enough about psychology to get myself in trouble...

That's just me ...

I read other's situations and analyze those too. Looking for patterns to emerge... Not enough data to come to any conclusions yet... Remember "for example" is not data...

[2ndtimearoundCA]

So this morning I wake up in vacation home in mountains to the following text from w:

Good morning. Wanted to call u last night but very latr. Meltdown from work overload. Needed to talk to someone who has been there with me & understands how to calm me down...

Thoughts?

[MrCAS]

Say something like...

"I am hear to listen anytime"...

My thought.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

I essentially told her I was there for her.... It felt like the right thing to do. My only concern is that I don't want to be just her emotional support while she get her other needs met elsewhere.

[SM34]

Im not sure what the pros would say but I think its not a good idea to 'be there for her any time'.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

This is my third thread (other than my thread on attraction Here ) and while it has only been six months, it has been quite a journey. I see that many have been DBing for years. I praise those of you who are able to keep going. I just don't know how long I can hold onto hope. I am in weird place in that I feel that I may be close to having a breakthrough, but I also am having many thoughts of just giving up. It would be so helpful to me if I could have a better understanding of what my w is thinking. It is this "come closer, no go away" kind of feeling my w seems to be projecting. It makes it very difficult to detach.

Today I floated down a river in inner tubes with my two teenage kids and two of their friends. It was a wonderful relaxing day, but in the end I missed my w. I miss the adult companionship of having a best friend and partner to be there with me on a family vacation. I want that again. I could hold on another 6 months but there are no guarantees.

If w was still acting as if she wants nothing to do with me, I probably would just move on. But instead she will draw me in and then take space again. Is anybody else in a situation where it feels like at any moment your wayward spouse may come around, but they just kind of stay in that place?