Well thats easy enough. If he doesn't bring it up by the end of the weekend, you might casually mention to him WHEN HE CALLS YOU for something else, that you "almost forgot that the court date is coming up on X date, is there anything HE wants you to discuss with YOUR L regarding what to do next? your L said something about needing to some time to prepare some documents in advance.." or whatever you can think of which puts the control of that situation in his court. I agree it must be handled gently, so I'd gently remind him and see how he responds..
A "friendly reminder" sounds doable. I'll just worry bout doing it when I absolutely have to...next week!
This week I'm going to chill! Not worry about it .
Even if h says give me the d (which I think is highly unlikely) I can still put in for the non-suit and let him file for the d he wants so badly. I'm NOT having the d on my conscience!
If it makes him mad to refile, well so be it. I don't see me getting back together with him if he choose to refile after all this work!!!!
I thought that you and MC had decided that you were going to drop the D papers. Am I remembering this wrong, or has something changed in the plans that I didn't keep up on?
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
But I'd like to get his input on the decision anyway.
The last time he was upset I filed for a continuance without his knowledge. (not sure what he would have done if he'd known...though he kept saying no to the continuance he ended up agreeing to it in court!!! Crazymaking to say the least!!!)
If h says he wants the d, well then I'll drop my suit and then HE can refile! I think responsibility for filing and pushing the d should be assumed by the s that wants it!
I think responsibility for filing and pushing the d should be assumed by the s that wants it!
I agree!!
But I'd like to get his input on the decision anyway.
"What if" you were to take some of the positives you listed earlier, and considered that to be some "input" on his decision?
I don't know, Cindy. There's something inside of me that's thinking that if you put him on the spot for this right now, you're not going to get the "reaction" from him that you want. I know that you want to actually "hear the words" from him right now, and how discouraging it is NOT to hear them. However, remember that this IS your H, and he often speaks a different language then you!!
I'm sure that there's some "legal" stuff to consider, so I'll leave it up to you to be on top of that end of it. Beyond that, though, take a look back on your goals you set on your last thread (1/21), and ask yourself "Is what I am about to do going to bring me closer to these goals, or drive me farther away from them?"
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: There's something inside of me that's thinking that if you put him on the spot for this right now, you're not going to get the "reaction" from him that you want. I know that you want to actually "hear the words" from him right now, and how discouraging it is NOT to hear them.
Part of me thinks this...that I should go based on his recent actions. It's LIKE he wants me to make the decision. He's encouraging me to not push the d! I mean this late in the game to exhibit these marked changes FOR HIM is BIG..why else would he do it?
Quote: ask yourself "Is what I am about to do going to bring me closer to these goals, or drive me farther away from them?"
Yet h absolutely hates being kept into the dark as to my movements regarding the d.
In the end, I'm just going to trust God that something will HAPPEN to facilitate a convo on the d.
To do something without his knowledge regarding something this big, seems deceitful. He'll hate me for being sneaky.
I'm so shocked. A long time friend just tried to make me unsure about dismissing my d. She tried to tell me that she saw my h at a restaurant with another woman.
There is not way since my h gets out of work at 7pm...would take 30 minutes to get to that particular restaurant, then they'd have to order and then he'd need to be gone by 8:15pm to get to his apartment in time to make his call to me at 8:45p. He'd need exactly 30 minutes to get to his apartment from the restaurant. I have h on my caller id that night at exactly 8:43pm and again at 9:14pm when I picked up and talked to him. Caller id showed his apartment number.
I'm devastated to think that my long time friend would so want to convince me to d h by saying this.
I'll no longer be discussing my m with this person.\ from now on!!!! She made me depressed and doubting my h! At least I'm strong enough now not to give into my urge right now to call him, interogate him, or spy on him...cause that is what I felt like when she told me her LIE!
Though I guess she could have thought she saw someone like him. But how could she mistake him...she's been at our house so frequently over the last 8 years!!!
I have lost friends through this whole thing, and I'm not blaming my H at all. The point is; I THOUGHT that these friends were GOOD friends, until this crisis came up. Then I found out they are not a friend at all. In total; I woke up and found out 3 people who I thought were friends are not!
But on the up side; I have found some wonderful friends that stand by me.
One of those so called friends went as far as to tell me not to talk to her until I divorced H! She got her wish! I no longer talk to her! Another spread lies about me and him, he was 75 and I was 43 at the time, need I say more; he will never be a friend again! And the last one, she tried to hook me up to an englishman, a friend of hers who needed a green card. And also her lonely XH! SHe still calls me and I have stopped over there, but our friendship will never be the same!
Sorry, I'm rambling! LOL What I want to say is, this will be the time when you find out who you're true friends are. She is one that you can no longer talk to about your R with H. If she was my friend, she won't be for long! Like JJ said, "who needs friends, when you have enemies"!
I'd say, don't let what she said bother you, more than likely its a lie! And she sounds like she wants your M to fall apart!
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