W's radiation treatments started Monday. Soon after she started feeling really bad- getting burning sensations in her back and stomach and feeling like she was going to throw up, but after going to her doctor it's apparently a coincidence. Her doc thinks she may have the flu. I called to ask how she was and again offered my assistance if she needs anything, she thanked me but still hasn't asked for anything. This may partially be explained by a convo I had with D16, I mentioned to her that I told W I'd bring S10 over so she wouldn't have to drive to my house and that I didn't understand why she didn't allow it since she was feeling so bad (she instead drove over herself). D16 said that W feels bad that I've had to go over there to get the kids, she feels like it's unfair to me! It's not like she lives in another city, she's just 5 minutes from me. I guess she thinks that's really putting me out though, LOL!
W came by last night to pick up S10 (he comes to my house after school). Wow, I really tried not to react but she looked worse than I have ever seen her, and I mean ever in our 25 years. She looked 10 years older than when I saw her a week ago or so. That flu or whatever she has is really doing a number on her. I gave her a nice, wide berth since I'm just getting well myself
Can't remember if I mentioned before, but D16 has been hitting the gym with me. She started going with me a couple of months ago but neither of us went for a few weeks when I had mono so bad. She started back in with me and is doing well! She does the same routine I do but with lighter weights. I'm amazed she can already do that many sets, but she was in pretty good shape to start with from drill team. It's been really great having her as a workout buddy
Originally Posted By: hopefulinga
AS, sorry to hear about the latest. You've been through such a lot recently, stay strong!!
Thank you, I just hope it's a good, long while before I get sick again, that was a real butt-kicking!
Stander- I'm sorry for all you are going through right now. Thank you for all your help on the board in the midst of all of this.
On another note, I removed a reference and the related quotes that are not allowed or recommended here. If you had questions about it, you can email virginia@divorcebusting.com.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
So it's been almost a year since W moved out. Originally she told me she signed a 2 year lease. Yesterday I took D16 to do some shopping and she mentioned that W's lease is up in a few months. I told her I thought her mom had signed a 2 year lease and she said that she originally did, but later changed it. I asked her if W was planning on buying a house after the lease is up and she said yes. Minor mind-reading ahead- this is probably why W is pushing forward with the D, she needs the money for the new house purchase (I had already agreed to take out a loan to compensate her for half of our house which is currrently paid for).
Virginia, thanks I sent you an email to find out what you removed, I'm not sure what it was and I tend to repost the same quotes now and then, so I just want to find out so I know not to post it again in the future.
Turtle and willbwell, thank you I was so scared and desperate when I came here. I can't believe it's been barely a year, it feels like 10 years of growth have happened since then. I sure have a new appreciation for what people go through in sitches like this. I never really gave it much thought when I found out people were going through divorces before, I never would have dreamt it could affect someone so profoundly. If ever again someone I know goes through this I will make every effort to help them however I can.
I just wanted to let you know I have certainly appreciated your thoughs and help on my thread since I joined here in June. Although I still struggle with the emotional side of this, Thanks to you and others I am dealing with things somewhat better and cant wait for the day I can be as strong as you are showing....
It is amazing the personal growth that happens to each of us here. And, I wouldn't trade where I am now for where I was a year ago for anything!
I have a personal friend who is also going through a very hard time right now, although he is not on this site he has very much been DBing for about the same timeline as you & I have.
I hope that anyone on here who experiences the full effect of what a M in crisis can do to you as a person will also "pay it forward." That is part of the glory of this site. We are all on similar journeys (as LBS's) but have different timelines with unique details on our journey. So, those who have already traveled ahead are in a good position to pass on their knowledge and insight to others. They will hear it and process it when they are ready.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
W emailed me yesterday and requested some info so she can complete the D papers. She needed some account numbers and a copy of the house deed. I sent her everything she requested. I haven't seen the papers yet, I'm guessing she'll bring them to me for review some time next week. Once they're filed there's a 60 day wait here in TX before the D is finalized. Should be a done deal before Christmas. I'm not particularly upset although I'm not exactly doing cartwheels either. I think I mentioned before that I've long since come to accept that this was inevitable, so now that it's pending it's really kind of anti-climactic.
Originally Posted By: 2old
I just wanted to let you know I have certainly appreciated your thoughs and help on my thread since I joined here in June. Although I still struggle with the emotional side of this, Thanks to you and others I am dealing with things somewhat better and cant wait for the day I can be as strong as you are showing....
Thank you, I wish my story had a saved marriage ending so that I could give more people hope that their sitches can turn around too, but I hope that people look at my sitch and take hope in the fact that even when the marriage isn't saved it is possible to not just survive, but have a satisfying, content, happy life outside of marriage. And as I often counsel others, divorce isn't necessarily the end of things. Who knows what the future holds, my W may yet come out of the fog. But I'm quickly getting to the point that I don't know that I would even entertain reconciliation.
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
It is amazing the personal growth that happens to each of us here. And, I wouldn't trade where I am now for where I was a year ago for anything!
Some people get there quicker than others, I read so many sitches here where people are well and truly stuck and I wish so much that they could experience what you and I have experienced- that success does not have to mean saving your M. When you get to the point that you know you will be OK in life whether it's with or without your spouse, that is so invigorating!
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
I hope that anyone on here who experiences the full effect of what a M in crisis can do to you as a person will also "pay it forward."
So true. I've always loved helping others. I remember when I was in college I was in a particularly difficult engineering class and people would frequently come to me for help. Near the end of the semester the prof asked me to stay after class and he commended me for helping others and then said something I'll never forget- "What the others don't realize is that when you help them you're making yourself even better, stronger and smarter as well. There's nothing like having to explain things to others that makes you realize your own shortcomings, it helps you to see what you need to work on." As soon as he said it I realized just how right he was although I had never thought of it that way. Likewise, the people on these forums that help others are the ones that seem to heal and grow the fastest.
Well said, AS!!! I guess you could say we've become "vets" now, huh? Not experts, not masters of the future, but experienced and survivors of what will be one of the most difficult experiences of our lives.
On my journey I have had people in my lives who make me realize how LUCKY I am! A friend's H has TBI & is basically an invalid at age 40; my SIL just had a double masectomy; my mom's best friend passed away unexpectantly at age 60 and most sadly and closely to me, my MIL died from ovarian cancer last Aug at age 66.
Sorry to invade your thread, AS...my point is that each of here will be okay, and I for one and hopeful for a happy an fulfilling life ahead....with a few major bumps in the road just ahead!
Sorry to hear about your pending D, but I know you are going to be more than fine, AS! When you succeed to make such tremendous personal growth and find YOURSELF again on this tumultuous you have set yourself up for a future full of wonderful things!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
