Blowing in the wind....

[Wonka]

...cockroach infested apt....

[uRworthy]

Wonka, I see your point. I was thinking more along the lines of Rosa showing that she is ok, period.

Rosa, you do what feels right to you. We are behind you.

[RosaLinda]

Thank you all for checking in wonka, Portia, Bright, DMR, Magic, Nero, Sailing, and uR, it amazes me and touches my heart what good and faithful friends you are. Thank you all for your support and good advice.

Boy Nero, you and your mom just can't catch a break. But yes, that is right, it takes 3 to 4 hours to transfuse a unit of blood, it can't be done too fast in an elderly person. I don't understand why you were not informed about the transfusion as it needs special signed consent, and your mom sure is not in any mental state to either consent or refuse. Will she be discharged today? I'm sorry your mom takes it all out on your. Sort of MLCish of her. Or maybe it's more like our MLCers act like elderly demented ladies

DMR, that's a pretty ironic comment your friend made about being cheaper to get a new wife than move; that is exactly what happened to you. Thanks for your good wishes for my surgery! Wonka maybe I'll ask H to bring me back some vodka I hear it's a dietary staple over there! I bet the apartments are roach-infested! He says he'll be on the 15th floor.

Thanks for your advice Bright, I think you are exactly right, H is justifying his trip and presenting it to his family as just going over there to meet a friend. We know better LOL, and so does his mom and our sons.

Oh Wonka and uR, I can see the logic in not telling him to have a great time, but can't I even ask him to let me know that he has arrived safely? Well I guess he should know I'll be worried, and he should notify me all on his own, plus he should be asking me how my surgery goes. Okay, I'll stick to the hug and stay safe. But it's not me.

I plan to wait until I get back from England for my next DB coach session with Chuck. That way we can review what my next move should be when H returns, according to whether H bothered to contact me or not, and whether he sent me a message (flowers? nah!) for our anniversary, which is Sept. 20th. I'm really trying to hold it together here, and think I am doing okay letting him go with love but detaching is still so so hard.

H's travel plans are progressing but have hit several snags:
He was really angry yesterday to "learn" that HIS mom is driving me to the hospital for my surgery and is staying overnight with me. I put the word learn in quotes because we all discussed this at length when she was over for dinner last Friday. Poor H is really in a sort of mental fog a lot of the time, and apparently does not remember this conversation. He thought it was really nice last week, and said he would take the train to the plane. I don't know what he was so angry about, as he never asked her if she could drive him to the airport. He sent me a barrage of nasty text messages while I was at the eye surgeon yesterday, and I stupidly forgot the hallmarks of validating and letting him work this out on his own, and made some suggestions about how he could get to the airport. His answer "Don't be a child, I'll take the train" Um, okay!

The Russian has found him another potential apartment, on the 15th floor of an apartment house way south of Moscow. The one in Moscow near where she works and lives would cost him $1,100, but he could have this one for just paying the utilities. So he is leaning towards the free one. The glitch is that it is 2 hours away from RT by bus or train, and she has to work He told me that she has her own apartment and won't be staying with him. Maybe that's HIS plan but I doubt if it is hers. But it won't be too pleasant for her to have to make a 2 hour train trip twice a day, although it might be worth it to get a green card hahahaha!

The third glitch is that he is very afraid that Putin will close the borders over Syria. He nearly flipped out yesterday when we heard on the news that Russia sent 3 warships to match the 4 we already had there, and that Pres Obama was sending a 5th He says if the borders are closed he will have to return early, or maybe won't even be permitted to go to Russia in the first place. I think this would be very bad, he would always think "what if...." and will never get over his infatuation with Russia and the Russian. Damn politics.

Besides a couple of cranky moments, and the nasty text blitz, H has been acting loving and friendly. If not for never touching me, we would seem like a normal married couple. He is SO sick though, suffering from debilitating overwhelming headaches and fatigue. He is in bed by 6:30pm most nights, and sleeps until 7 or 8 in the morning.

[Portia]

My friend,

You can do this. You can say goodbye with dignity. This is HIS time, time that you are giving him to figure out what a "fantasy" is. This is HIS time to be on his own without you and see how he likes it and it is HIS time to feel your absence.

If you smother him, you may think you are acting like a "loving wife" but in reality, too much will send him bounding on that plane thankful to be free. He has been doing nice things for you lately but the reason could be because he will miss you or the reason could be that he is just feeling bloody guilty the closer his trip comes.

how the heck could he fault ya for caring?...

he does know you- i'd think he'd probably call on his own. it would be interesting to see if he does of his own volition.

YOU COULD TEST HIM- see if he lets you know on his own(that would be very nice to know) and if he doesn't- just leave a text or call and quickly ask/check. who would fault ya for that??

Oh Wonka and uR, I can see the logic in not telling him to have a great time, but can't I even ask him to let me know that he has arrived safely? Well I guess he should know I'll be worried, and he should notify me all on his own, plus he should be asking me how my surgery goes. Okay, I'll stick to the hug and stay safe. But it's not me.

Nero, Linda, just remember the basic tenant of DBing is that it feels counterintuitive. The challenge is that they do fault us for caring.

Linda, my grams passed away at age 91. I miss her every day. Her words - piss on it! - have made me smile through my darkest hours. She lived life as it came to her and as one of six children growing up without a father in the depths of the depression, she knew what struggles were.

Say goodbye to your H with the strength that he does not have. Who knows, he might surprise you and hug you! I honestly hope for your sake that he lasts the month in Russia, but would not be at all surprised to hear that he returned early. It would be delicious if he returned while you were still away.

Try your best and try to be in control.

[uRworthy]

You know, Rosa, I know it's not you. But the thing is this - he is going away to be with another woman.

So, why would you say anything like what you want to say to him?

Remember the holding onto the pants leg analogy? His choice, this trip. His consequences. Leave him to them.

You make sure you are looking good and act as if you have better things to do than ask him to call you to let you know he got there, ok?

You got this. I know it.

[BrightFuture]

Linda, I agree with Portia. You should say goodbye to him with dignity. I would just with him to be safe at the most, as you would wish to a good friend. Just imagine that he is just a good friend going for a trip.

He is right to start worrying about his trip. You never know what transpires in that part of the world. It looks like RT is not that interested to have him next to her all the time, hehe. Apartment 2 hours away from her work… Unless she is taking time off work, I don’t understand this potential arrangement. It also means that he will have to travel for 2 hours each way to do any kind of sightseeing. I know from personal experience how tiring it can be in big city like Moscow.

He is angry because the trip is getting closer and the fantasy is slowly turning into the reality for dealing with practical matters of this trip. I think he is cooking nicely…

[MileHigh]

"H is justifying his trip and presenting it to his family as just going over there to meet a friend. We know better LOL, and so does his mom and our sons."

Isn't it sad how they'll keep up the lie, when *nobody* is buying it?!

Sorry to hear you're also facing a dreaded anniversary. W and I have one in Sept as well! Caused me to backpedal a bit, but sandi2 and some others showed up on my post to set me straight! :-)

[nero]

HHHHHEEEEY LINDA- thinking aboutyou -

HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY_ - SOUNDS LIKE you're getting more input than any mere mortal has a right or need of.

hope it goes okay- try and keep the faith-

hope hope hope- hang on- you can do it-

some day- when we're totally over this all- totally - mentally & emotionally "free" women- we'll be okay. in the end - whenever that is-

just remember- whether we're with them or they are a long gone memory- you'll still be standing and alive and have recaptured your total lindaness & be okay..... mee too and dawn too, whatever it ends up turning out to be - who could ever know now...

i'm banking on this- for us both- we can overcome....

hey- speaking of overcoming-

have you been watching any public tv shows about martin luther king and march on washington fifty year anniversary???

it reminds me of the terrible sitch here in usa a mere fifty or so years ago- unthinkable- yet, true... one of these days- we too will belooking BACK at this all- no kidding- our own little personal tragedies and triumphs - nothing comes without a struggle - does it... who knew???

it's sure a strange life- not too much DONNA REED is it in actual (real) reality??? we'll make it

xxoo hope your day is doable

[Underdog]

Linda,

Have a good weekend!

LOL my anniversary is the 15th, and it used to make me really sad. Now it makes me happy. We had some great years together, and he gave me my 2 girls. Plus September and October are my favorite months of the year. I find myself being happier just because.

My XH and I went on our honeymoon to Australia and NZ on the brink of the first gulf war. It made things very hairy and a little tense, even then before all the stop gaps put in place after 9/11. Then a few years ago, my parents took me and D19 to Ireland for Christmas and New Years. Thanks to the shoe bomber, who pulled his crap while we were overseas and made things beyond difficult. LOL I'm actually thinking of a slew of trips that were ill timed and resulted in security ramping. Most of my international trips, that is.

D19 returned home from London 2 days before the subway bombing. There will always be geopolitical events that affect our lives. I think we just really notice the severity when we travel out of our homeland. Keep positive and make up your mind to have the best trip ever. I know you will!

Have a good weekend...

Betsey

[willbwell]

hey Linda, thinking of you!