I might know what your husband is feeling. My wife and I have flipped roles the past month where she at first wanted to leave me, then when I discovered and exposed her EA she came begging and was literally laying on the ground crying for me to forgive her. We were separated for about a month and got into a few bad arguments until she started to feel I was being controlling and now has left me and begun the D process.

I know that for the first several days to a week after I discovered her EA and we were separated she kept sending me "uplifting" messages and trying to convey that she was a more positive and better person. It felt fake and honestly I kept reacting to it like "yeah, right". Then she mellowed out and did her own thing in the apartment and I found myself drawn back to spend time with her since she seemed like she was comfortable just doing her own thing. When I did return back to the apartment she was quiet and gentle and acted like she was happy to see me without overdoing it. It made me feel welcome.

I think in our case we tried to move to R too quickly and I wasn't familiar with DB stuff until just last week and we kept fighting until she couldn't take it anymore and bailed (she also has depression/anxiety issues she is on meds for).

T 10 years, M 4 years, both 28 years old
7/3/2013 - W wanted D, we attempted to reconcile
7/20/2013 - discovered W's EA, attempted to reconcile
8/24/2013 - W told me she wanted D, filed papers