Just friends is OK for now

[MileHigh]

Just checking in on your sitch, and it sounds like things are looking up for you DMR. Thanks for dropping by my thread too

You're sounding so much stronger and happier; it's nice to hear. Have you found a new car yet?

No... I've been enjoying my walking/bike riding/Amazon shopping. But I need to do that. Maybe there's a Labor Day car sale I can take advantage of!

It sounds as if you and W are bonding a lot, dinner and TV and shopping together. It's a lot better than the days of arguing over the cat and her coming over to steal your curtains. And it's great that The Contractor seems to be out of the picture. It sounds like you've really done a lot of work on yourself and are doing a great job DBing!

Yep. Much better, on both counts. For us and for me. She picked out a movie she thought I'd like and brought it over to watch last night. She took "Crazy, Stupid, Love" out on Netflix and said she'd let me know what she thinks of it." She tried really hard to put the TV stand we bought last week together, but had a problem, so she brought it over for me to have a look and we swapped it with the lightweight one we had here. More evidence of her trying to be independent (if not handy with tools), but more importantly, no help from The Contractor.

We're both facing the dreaded anniversary question! It's so hard to have to consider these things that normal couples take for granted. I agree that sending flowers might be too pursuing, but am not at all sure that your new approach "No plotting or planning. I'll let the anniversary roll by unless she brings it up." is right either. Since you have been going out to dinner already, I don't see anything wrong with inviting her to that restaurant she had expressed an interest in. A simple sweet card, not too sappy. A single flower? 

Yeah. I always do that on here, when I get advice from people, esp. those as wise as Sandi. What I should have said is I'm considering that option. I realize they can't see the nuances of everyone's sitch, and it's so easy to get jaded from seeing the same mistakes over and over on the boards. I may invite her to dinner on Sunday, since Monday night will be more stressful, without mentioning A. She'll know. That let's me acknowledge it, but give her a safe out if she needs it. I can use how that goes as a barometer of whether I should send a small, non-dramatic flower arrangement. There's always something available for next day delivery from flower shops.

I know I will be devastated if I do not hear from my H on our anniversary but think in my case I should follow your "let it roll by" scenario. I WAS considering mailing him a sappy anniversary card to the Russian Tramp's flat, but that would be for the sheer pleasure of annoying her! If I could be 100% certain she'd burn it instead of giving it to him, I'd love to write a bunch of crap about our enduring love and amazing hot (non-existant ) sex life. Ah, pipe dreams!

That would be something! Love you can still have a sense of humor! I know I really had a hard time controlling my urge for revenge. There were soooo many options. In my case, I was much more able to be empathetic, though. I know how much my W was needing that attention and affection.

You mentioned your W telling you she was starved for affection over the years. Have you tried taking one of those online quizes to determine her love language DMR? I recently did and learned my H's LL is acts of service. I had never heard of such a thing! I always thought it was nice that he does little things for me all the time, but felt unloved because he didn't like to hold my hand, snuggle, do all the physical touchy things I like. I didn't see that was his way of showing love. It sounds like your W's LL might be physical touch too. What do you think?

I should do that. Started to a week or so ago, but it was late and I didn't feel like signing up on the 5LL site. I did have that book for a short while after we reconciled before, but let it fall by the wayside. I think you may be right. Also, I know she needs to hear it. She LOVES to be told that I appreciate something she did for me, that I think she's pretty, that I want to do something with her, because it's with her, not just because it's something to do. And I am, like so many men, always convinced that she should see what I do and know what I mean, without me having to use all those pesky words.