My H was spewing hate this morning and said his usual, why don't I let him leave, he hates it here, life is unfair, he was just trying to support his family. I said, why haven't you left a long time ago.

He's on the kitchen floor fully crippled by his back, spewing how he doesn't want to be here, I turned and said in a scary voice....you better be careful how you speak to me, you better watch what comes out of your mouth.

It set him back a bit and he tried to soften up immediately, blaming his pain for his mouth. He said, I will shut up now!

It's dark, and raining, and I am stuck in this house. It is bring some old feelings of my flight or fight impulse up again.

I don't do well when he makes me angry, and I'm angry because I am dealing with him without L as a factor. What I am doing for him is out of necessity, and that makes it easier to WAW from and say F**** him.

I can L him next year, right now I am protecting myself from his damage.

Can anyone relate...family is still family, he is still someone I care about, but there is a limit, at least right now, and he doesn't get my heart. Nero, you get it, it's not fun when they suckk and you have to be there for them anyway.

The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!