wife hardends heart-3

[planet]

Either she is NOT serious and needs to learn that threats to herself and others are not okay and need to stop immediately, or she IS serious and her capacity to care for her children is in question.

She's a good mother. No doubt about that.
I'm leaning towards her not being able to follow through her threats. After all, she has our kids to think of first.
She has a huge EGO to work at. She can be very disrespectful to her own parents. She does not think she's ever wrong. It's always someone else's fault.
I have urged her to seek couselling. I hope that she realizes that no one can always be so accommodating towards her wishes before she wrecks her relationship with our kids.
I do have a part in 'shaping' her. I regret the things that i have done in ways that could have traumatize her forever. I truly hope that she will someday drop her 'hatred' towards me and my family.

[planet]

You wrote true events, when your family hurt her AND worse, to most women, is when their husbands do not stand up for them. It feels like betrayal & is seen as either disrespect of the wife, in our culture, and or

Weakness in the husband for not taking a stand. It's part of being a provider. Provide security & support includes emotionally as well, not just financial.

I have learned this lesson the hard way. Thank you for reminding me time and again.

Anyhow, in TIME, your w will recall the other good moments. Good feelings and memories will re-surface if they are there.

I'm sure they are there.

Why on earth would your wife Elevate your role to "guest"? She thinks she is doing you a favor by allowing you in "her" home. Why wouldn't you manage for yourself?

Plus this is supposed to be your FATHERING time to be with your kids. She should not even have to be there. I wish she weren't, frankly.

Well it's not my home anymore. I'm just there to visit my kids. She's ok with me making myself at home but i'm not sure if this is all right.
I spend time with my kids without her around. She will disappear into another room and stayed out of my way. I don't mind it at all. She can be very annoying when every comment or action i do bothers her.
This will be the arrangement on weekdays after work. Don't seem right if i take them out all the time on school nights but I will on weekends.

You do NOT bring up the relationship. Have you read the books that are the basis for our approach?

Read Divorce Remedy ASAP, and do Not give it to your wife to read. It's just for you.

I have read Divorce Remedy.

What 180's are you doing to contrast her negative views of ou?

I have been a better father to my kids. She acknowledges it too but says it too late.
I have been friendlier towards other people but she thinks it's just an act and probably have gone crazy. Her exact words.
She thinks i can't be thoughtful ever. She was absolutely livid when i made a thoughtful action after BD.
Well, it's ok though. It's my 180, not hers.

But I did made a very stupid comment about her weight a few weeks ago. I may have made her cry.
She probably hates me more! What was i thinking!?

What NEW activities are you doing to make yourself feel more alive, more interested & more interesting?

Take a class, JOIN something like a book club or writing group or a team, or volunteer somewhere.

You need a little mystery in your life and you need to start feeling better about yourself...for YOU and to also be more attractive.

Do NOT act as if you can nEver be happy or loving or loved again. You can & you will, hopefully with her.

My sister have invited me to join her in some church activities. Maybe i will.

Show her the new, changed you (with action, not words). Become a man only a fool would leave. What were you like when she fell in love with you?

That is the biggest mystery. I don't know why I was chosen. She have many guys who are interested.
I wasn't particularly charming or 'pursued' her relentlessly.
My friend commented that she fell in love with my looks. But she mentioned years ago that she never thought i was good looking. Yeah, she's not a shallow person. It's probably something else.

[planet]

You may not be able to "stop" the paperwork for your D, but it's just a piece of paper. You do have a shot at saving your R with your W.

I like your optimism. Why do i have the feeling that you knew something but can't tell me outright!?

I can't have any expectations. It is what we are being reminded here all the time. Just keep on DBing, right?

[MrBond]

There is no "secret". Nothing that I'm hiding from you.

It starts with faith. Faith that you believe your M can be saved. It starts with that.

[25yearsmlc]

The "secret" is to become the best person you can become, which means you will be happier in the long run, no matter what your w does. Truly believing that you are going to be fine, regardless, gives a confidence that many find attractive.

It's a paradox in a way.

But I found that when I really let go of my m, turned it over to God, & just worked on ME, that is when my h began his own shift home. Not overnight, but there were unmistakable signs that he had noticed changes in me, which intrigued him.

That began our turn around. As for the piece of paper...I have 2 family members who divorced and later remarried their former spouses. So yes, it happens.

However, In both cases, a few years had passed, and each person had grown a lot individually. And yes, it was better the second time around.

I won't quibble with Bond about how much or what to beleive.

I just think you must KNOW that you will be alright, regardless of your wife's choices.

When I truly believed that, when i KNEW i was going to be happy again, regardless, and began making plans for my new life, an inner peace came to me.

I began looking forward to my new life (& freedom), and then....somehow it radiated from within. I mean it began to show on the outside..

Also, when we say to GAL, I mean a lot more than "maybe" accepting an invitation from your sister.

How passive can you get? Good grief.

This is not a dress rehearsal. This is your only life - and you are nearing the half way mark!

If your life were a book, who would you say is writing it?

Be the author of your book/life!

Make this chapter go as YOU design...make the book finish as you wish.

You are starting a new chapter today called, "TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE!"

Now GAL for real.

Surely there is a skill or hobby or language or cooking style you have wondered about...?

An instrument to play or study?

A sport to coach or play on...come on!!!

Think outside the box. Are you near water? Boats, fishing, swimming, canoeing, kayaking, tubing...something.

Mountains? Hiking, cross country skiing (cheaper than downhill), camping, etc.

None of these costs much (except the boating, but maybe you can join a group & share expenses, or fish successfully & defray some costs).

Meet new people, PLEASE....

Overcoming inertia is the hardest part. Once you are out there, you won't regret it.

[planet]

It's the weekend. I took the kids out. Spent Quality time with them. Kids will excitedly tell you everything.
The one thing i don't want really want to know was about OM spending an evening together with them and W. Man, it's better i don't know about how their evening went.
HA! KIDS!!!