Ok, I'm selfish!!! Didn't let on to h though. It bothers me that he's going to a pub for superbowl with men only. I worry he will be picking up women but like Wiley says he's a grown man...he can take care of himself. And I'm sure if he dallies our mutual friend will pass it on to me.
Minor consolation was he seemed upset that I was going out too but not upset enough to risk asking me to go to an all male outing! Last time he THOUGHT women were not invited ....some of the other guys showed up with their wives. It's good though he's upset I have a party to go to too!!!
Wiley, you'd been proud! I was upbeat and happy....beat him to the punch cause I said that I needed to get his plans cause I need to RSVP for a party! When he got around to actually saying I was not invited to the all male bash, the wind was out of his sails cause I taken care of either way. I said to h well since I have somewhere to go then you don't have to worry about telling me when to leave...I'll have to leave at x time to make my party! He was like whhaattt???.
heh, heh!!!
It's hard to realize that guys need man time...I can't seem to let go of my fear that he will only be out to pick up a woman.
Oh, well my party will be mixed company....law enforcement types!!! Who says he can be the only one to LOOK!!? Or get a phone number....ok maybe not a number !
Quote: It bothers me that he's going to a pub for superbowl with men only. I worry he will be picking up women
ah cindy,
I can relate to that feeling. Now imagine your h actually flying off to houston to see the superbowl and leaving you at home alone with the kiddos (4 and 2).
I think I'd feel safer with him only going to a party...this way he's got the whole weekend in another state to play.
I'll just bite my tounge and hope it doesn't bleed too much.
You did a great job! Very well done! Again thats the WINNING Cindy..No pressure, nice and happy but not clingy, he's doing his thing tomorrow, you're doing yours, and then a new week begins.
Actually, you are better off IMHO being at your own party tomorrow so he can wonder a little bit in the back of his mind.. Also, its just healthy for you to get out and LIVE outside the sitch once and awhile. There is more to you than your R, you have other social needs to satisy etc, so go out and enjoy yourself tomorrow.
I was starting to get bummed about that statement you made that my h going to an all men superbowl party and not a family one that indicated he was making an anti-family statement. But then I REALIZED that h invited us over Saturday night and most of all day sunday.
So i guess I can 'allow' him a night out, right?
I guess it really is all about perspective...look at the positive!
Cindy
PS> Plus you are right Wiley! This is the ticket:
Quote: Actually, you are better off IMHO being at your own party tomorrow so he can wonder a little bit in the back of his mind.. Also, its just healthy for you to get out and LIVE outside the sitch once and awhile. There is more to you than your R, you have other social needs to satisy etc, so go out and enjoy yourself tomorrow.
Thats right, you have to give him some credit where it is deserved, he initiated tonight's plans, thats another positive in what sounds like an overall positive week.
One week at a time, in a non PRESSURING, non OBSESSING, just "goin with the flow for now.." manner.
So, be sexy, confident, happy, nice, upbeat, no pressure Cindy tonight, and look forward to tomorrow.
You are making things happen and you're doing it the RIGHT way, stick to your goals and carry that PMA around.
1. H and I have talked a lot over the phone this week (he initiates more convos). 2. He returns my calls the same evening (except for Tuesday when he was out all night). 3. He pins down times and specifics for my dates in response to my questions. 4. He invited us over this Saturday night cause Sunday he was going to be out with the guys. 5. He took us to the hockey game Saturday night. 6. We made love Saturday night and he was very, very attentative. Worshipping me. He cuddle afterwards for a long, long time. Then as he went to sleep he continued to touch me in some way....encouraged me to snuggle close. He even hugged me very hard during the night for a while. 7. He cooked us breakfast (last weekend he made breakfast only for him then sat and ate right in front me and the boys...didn't offer anything). 8. He took us to the park for a long walk while the boys rode their bikes. H and I talked easily about this and that....nothing major. 9. He mentioned that he plans to take every Saturday off to attend the boys' soccer games (games are February thru April). 10. He mentioned that he is taking all of spring break off. (this is good indication I think for us still being married then cause our divorce decree only gives him half...why take off all if we are divorced?) 11. He let me kiss him goodbye and he hugged the boys goodbye.
Ok, the negatives:
1. He didn't buy us dinner Saturday night but has $2,000+ in his account. I'm struggling to pay the divorce attorney and he expects me to buy dinner? Hmmm... 2. He recieves a call at 11:30pm but no one answers when he picks it up. He stays near the phone for another 1/2 hour so I don't answer it or hear the message I guess?. 3. He had a voicemail on his phone and takes it in a way that I can't hear it. 4. He stared overly hard at women at the hockey game. 5. He had a ticket to zona rosa for Tuesday the 27th for a 9pm show. There was a girl's phone number on a slip of paper folded up with the ticket. It was wide out in the open but I didn't mention it nor touch it. 6. He still doesn't do a lot of touching outside the bedroom. Not even to hold my hand. Is this a guy thing? !
He had way more positives this week. and is really trying it seems. He initiate lots more conversations, outings which is great. I just wish he'd hurry up and say something about the pending divorce. Is he waiting on me to say something about? The uncertainty of where he's going with all this is wreaking havoc with my mind...I feel as though he's dating and using me for sex but then I see his positives I think well maybe not?. Don't know.
I keep the pressure off him, don't touch him unduly, or try to talk too much, nor do I question his whereabouts when I can't reach him. I hd a hard time letting him go to the superbowl thing without us cause I feel as though any time he wants us over then all available time should go toward family time since he is not available to us the other days of the week. I feel as though family is totally at the mercy of when he feels like being a family man and it irks me that that is not very often!
But I guess overall it was a good week . We'll see what h says to the c today.
Well, I think you have alot to be positive about. There's enough there for you to assume that the momentum of last week may/should carry over. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. As I said you're doing things the RIGHT way, by not pressuring, going with the flow, not expecting, and carrying yourself in a happy, confident, upbeat, always in control manner.
Quote: I just wish he's hurry up and say something about the pending divorce. Is he waiting for me to say something about it?
Now now, thats not the way the WINNING Cindy thinks. If you can, just let that unfold as it will, keep up with your PMA, let him bring up any R or D talk, then agree with however he sses things, and keep RELIEVING pressure, you're doing good, he seems much more comfortable around you than as little as two three weeks ago. What you're doing IS making a difference. When they feel more comfortable around you, more at ease with being themselves around you, they will want to spend MORE time around you. Thats KEY...
How was YOUR party yesterday? What will you do this week to keep yourself active?
It's good to read your post! I'm just so unsure if I'm doing the right thing...it just feels so odd to be around him with the divorce hearing looming in the distance. It's like any day I could be voted off the "it's H's life" show if you know what I mean!
Quote: If you can, just let that unfold as it will, keep up with your PMA, let him bring up any R or D talk, then agree with however he sses things
This is hard to do. My attorney just called to let me know they will need 2 days in which to prepare the non-suit and file it with the court. I will need to have some kind of R talk with h by tuesday 2/10!!!! If he says nothing by then I will be forced to bring it up. The last time I filed something regarding our d he was livid that I 'went behind his back'.
I will be busy this week. Soccer season is due to kick off with practices for both sons one night per week. I'm pretty busy now though since my mom is in the hospital and taking care of my dad at home. i stay busy regardless of where my h is at in his head!
!
Also, its just healthy for you to get out and LIVE outside the sitch once and awhile. There is more to you than your R, you have other social needs to satisy etc, so go out and enjoy yourself tomorrow.
Not much convo as with I was joined by 6 co-workers. But he enjoyed speaking with them, laughed a lot.