Thank you for your suggestion. I have a question. I'm reading DR book now, and am following the rules. Rule #9 says "Don’t schedule dates together." Today I asked my H if he wants to go to a park with me and our kids next Saturday since I bought the tickets long time ago, he said yes he can go with us. Did I make a mistake here? Shouldn't I ask him to join us?
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
TRule #9 says "Don’t schedule dates together." Today I asked my H if he wants to go to a park with me and our kids next Saturday since I bought the tickets long time ago, he said yes he can go with us. Did I make a mistake here? Shouldn't I ask him to join us?
That's not really a date, it's a family thing. It's OK to continue family activities for the kids, because they need the support right now more than ever. MWD discussed this in DR, she says it's OK to invite your spouse along on things like this as long as you make it clear that you and the kids are going regardless. So if he goes then fine, but if he doesn't go, well that's fine too because you and the kids are still going without him.
You already asked him, so go for it. Just make it a fun and memorable time together. The thing is that you need to be consistent and stick to one plan.
Follow the rules in DB.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
This long weekend he is going to be gone for three days without telling us where he will be. The kids didn't know that and already asked where we'll go on labor day. He's planning to tell them he will work overtime during this long weekend. I disagreed and insisted on not cheating on kids. If they foud out later, they'll be very disappointed. Am I right? I feel so hurtful, but how should I deal with this situation? Should I just let him do whatever he likes and pretend I don't care?
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
This long weekend he is going to be gone for three days without telling us where he will be. The kids didn't know that and already asked where we'll go on labor day. He's planning to tell them he will work overtime during this long weekend. I disagreed and insisted on not cheating on kids. If they foud out later, they'll be very disappointed. Am I right? I feel so hurtful, but how should I deal with this situation? Should I just let him do whatever he likes and pretend I don't care?
This is why I said up above "So if he goes then fine, but if he doesn't go, well that's fine too because you and the kids are still going without him." Just continue with your plans.
As for him lying to your kids, that's between him and the kids. Don't agree with him or disagree with him when he says he's going to lie to them. He's going to do whatever he wants to do and you've got to accept that you can't control him. Live your life and let him live his. He's going to make a lot of bad choices in the coming months, you can't save him from doing that. Just protect yourself and your kids from the storm as best you can.
Thank you both for your replies. You're right. He is gone already. I have to admit it. But I'm so scared that he will not come back any more... I don't want my kids to live in a broken family. BTW, right now both of us tried to avoid talking about "divorce" or "seperation" though we are physcially seperated. He claimed he needs more space and privacy. When I said I don't want divorce, he replied "then let's talk about it later"... I don't know what he means, and I don't know if he is in MLC or something else...
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
Hi Peace My H said let's talk about D later, that was about 2 months ago. Don't worry about it yet until you get a letter from his lawyer. He's obviously delayed the D. Don't bring up D anymore, one of Sandi's rules (I think!). Hope you're ok, keep posting questions and tell us about any positives as well. We're all here for you
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Peace, thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post. It's very hard to give them time and space, I imagine more so when they're still at home. My W was away right after the BD, but when she would come over to get stuff we weren't ready to even see each other. It took a while before she got done with the anger and blame and had time to experience the time alone, so that we could interact again in a friendly manner.
I don't have friends or family around either, so I spend a lot of time calling and texting! It helps to get out and do stuff, even if it's just walking in a park, strolling the mall - it took me a while to feel like doing anything I normally like to do.
H needs time and space, so give him that and use that same time for yourself.
Hi Peace, I've already been on your thread, I thought I had lol
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
