I honestly don't think my W wants to just be friends ongoing. I don't think she wants to see other people, either. I think she made the same mistake as before, thinking she'd find everything better with someone new, a specific person who happened along at the right time (just like in the romantic stories). That she wasn't actively seeking someone or just hoping for someone in general. Then she felt that she made a mistake. But she had put so much into the separation that she can't just reverse course. And, there's the fact that she's probably very unsure if it wouldn't be a mistake for us to try again. I get that. She needs the time and the separation for herself. She's going to have to see real, ongoing changes from me, if she's going to be able to accept that it can change. If things don't change, it would certainly be a mistake - more of the same would just mean another failure down the road. I don't want that either.
I'm not basing my opinion on wishful thinking. It's based on the things she's saying when she texts me every day, the way she acts when she's here. We have never been direct communicators. We send signals, not-so-subtle references to things in books, movies, etc. There are some things I haven't posted here in great detail. I'm not sure I could expound on them and do them justice. In 20+ years, it hasn't all been miscommunication between us. I have observed the patterns in her behavior/communication style, not only with me, but with her long missing father, not-so-supportive step-dad, and verbally abusive alcoholic mother. There are patterns and unspoken messages that I perceive very strongly.
I suppose at some point D or R will have to come up - but I'm willing to let it wait until she brings it up. The paperwork was started. Either it has to be dropped or continued. I know some people live like that for years. My brother has a pretty volatile relationship with estranged W, but they simply don't bother to D for financial reasons. Both see other people - his OW is married and won't divorce for religious reasons (but adultery is ok. Don't ask....).
So, on it goes. Staying the course.
My friend-W is coming over tonight with some food and a movie on DVD. :-)
