Really need your help

[formyfamily]

I really need your help.
This is my story. I have been married for 9 years. Husband and I have two beautiful daughters. H started being withdrawn from me sometime late last year and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. Normally, he is the one who always ask for a talk whenever something is wrong. In February , I shared my concerns with H telling him that he has been withdrawn and hardly physical, he said that yes, there’s something wrong that he needs some time to sort through it. So I asked him if it would be a good idea to go to counselling, he agreed to go. We were intimate in March. In April, I booked a session with a counsellor, during which he told me H said ILYBNILWY. I was floored, shocked and started crying during the session. I could no longer see this counsellor because she was cold, very clinical and I was not comfortable. All she did was asking about my background and his and the session was over. I left the session with the devastating news that those famous words. I had to look into another counsellor for me because I was having some dark though because of everything that had happened. I needed to sort out those feelings because of our daughters and I know that no matter what I had to be there for them. I found another counsellor who seems to be the right fit form me, I talked to her about our problems and help me to focus on the now, instead of my problems at home. I felt better, she told me that she also did marriage counselling so I brought H with me the next session. In those sessions he said that he felt that I was not being supportive of him of his second career which requires him to be out of the country a month in the spring and a month and a month in the fall for the past 5 years. I tried to explain to him that it is hard for me when he is gone all this time abroad. He thinks that all I should do is miss him and not to be cold to him when he is gone. He feels that whenever he talks about his second career, I seem to be not interested in anything he has to say. I explained to him that it was a coping mechanism, and that it is hard for me when the girls are cryng about their father being gone all this tme and that in order not to cry myself, I had to put my feelings aside and support our kids in any way I can so that they don’t feel the missing parent. But in doing that, I resented him for being gone all this time. So during one of the session I said that I would try to be more supportive and that maybe we as a family should go and visit, but he did not react much to this solution. We continued to go to the counselling session, but the counselor kept talking about separation ect. So after a couple of session, it was clear the counselor seems to be on a different path then I was, because she kept saying that what if scenarios and talking about separation. I was not happy about that. H did not react at all, it was a if he did not mind that the counsellor was on a different path. In June of this year, he said that he needed to talk and told me that he wanted a separation. He said that he had thought about it and that it was really hard for him to come up with this realization but it needs to be done. I was in shock, I cried, I pleaded, told him that my life was over. I asked him if he had thought of our children, I did everything the DB says not to do, I did not know at the time because I had not heard of the book. I asked him to please reconsider; he said that he would try while hugging me during the whole time. I cried during the entire night and for days after that. A couple of weeks later before he went on his trip, we were intimate. I thought that we were getting slowly closer and took that it as a small sign that things were getting better. I had been using the technique “act as if”. Boy was I wrong, he came back from his trip, was more distant than ever, started sleeping in the basement. I thought ok, he is there because it is hot in the house and we have no ac, but after a couple of days, I asked him if he was coming back upstairs, to which h informed me , that he needed time alone. Two days later(5 days ago) he came upstairs and said that he wanted to talk, he asked me if I brought a man to the house and that last time that were intimate it was different ( as if someone had been in there) i was so shocked, because I would NEVER sdo that , it goes against my beliefs, my values. I never would cheat. It shook me to the core. I told him that and then he said that he believes me but that he had thought about it and still wanted to separate. He also said that even the counselling sessions made him confirm that it is what he wants. I was fuming inside, but did not plead , cry or beg, it was hard to do, but I did not cry, maybe a tear here and there. He also said that this past year has been hard on him. Now I am depressed, I don’t know what to do and I am looking for another counsellor to help me go through this and someone who is pro-marriage. H is now gone for a couple of days on a business trip and called us last night and said that when he comes back he would like to have a talk. I am scared, have a pit in my stomach and don’t know what to do.