Blowing in the wind....

[BrightFuture]

Linda, I have the experience with the divorced friends, they are the once who are the most bitter. I try to avoid any kind of conversation about my sitch with them. I also try to ask other friends who give the advice to move on, what they would do in my situation. I paint the picture for them with their spouses and make them think, and quite often they would back off. It is always easier to give an advice to someone else.

I think it is a good idea to hug him goodbye as if you are a wife who he loves. It actually might be very close to truth anyway. The things he is doing for you at the house right now show that he still considers himself a married man. This trip for him is kind of outside of a real world, I’m sure he is justifying it as if it is not a big deal and he is just going there to meet with the friend. It is a twisted justification, but this what he wants to believe. He is just like a kid who knows that he does something wrong, but keeps justifying his actions because he wants it so badly.

Wonka, did you mean “Matreshka” doll?

[Wonka]

Wonka, did you mean “Matreshka” doll?

Pushka and materska are the one and the same. I think so.

[MileHigh]

Linda, I lost track of your posts - had to go back a ways through this one and catch up. You are so positive. Reading your posts helped me a lot when I was really down.

Hope your surgery goes well and you have a wonderful time in England.

About other people's opinions, when the W and I were getting ready to move back East, one of my coworkers said (not to me - I heard through the grapevine), "It would be cheaper to get a new wife." ;-)

[makingmagic]

Hi Linda...catching up.

I think you know exactly what you need to do...

Recent reminders on Youtube from MWD about "acting as if"... I recently watched.

YES!!! Act as if you are his loving wife saying goodbye for a trip. Imagine the best as he returns his love back, with a welcoming hug.

Then, leave it at that. A light hearted comment if you can do that. And no contact, unless he initiates it.

((hugs)) YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

//magic!

[nero]

hey linda-

Here is my tentative plan: to hug him good bye AS IF I am his wife whom he loves. And then let him go with love and go get my eyes fixed. And although I'll want to know if he landed safely and to let him know how my surgery went, I plan to avoid all contact with him unless he contacts me first. Thoughts?
_________________________

i think the plan sounds good. i think if you really worry and want to know he's arrived safely (and it went ok - health issues, etc.) - just say so. doesn't have to be goopy or demanding- i'd just throw in a little "let me know you arrive safely - or how flight went" - can tack on- "i'll worry til i know " you knowme...

how the heck could he fault ya for caring?...

he does know you- i'd think he'd probably call on his own. it would be interesting to see if he does of his own volition.

YOU COULD TEST HIM- see if he lets you know on his own(that would be very nice to know) and if he doesn't- just leave a text or call and quickly ask/check. who would fault ya for that??

just my two cents - ignore if it's gooney - i'm very very bad at "wondering"... it's a big flight/deal...

i'm a total failure myself on this stuff - i know it. i hate him for telling me - i hate him for not wanting to talk with me. he's "afraid" of a fight - but doesn't want to hear my voice enough to man up-

it's jerky. i always thougfht/think still maybe that if youlove someone- and you NEEEEED to hear their voice- you will become allllll fortified and brave and just do it.

maybe i only know women- or myself. maybe men never do- any idea??? can they break the silence if their heart demands it?

you're doing great. as usual- i hope all goes well- you've got a crazy life at moment...

he knows big things going on in your life too- wonder if he'll call & check on your "things". best of luck - truly - with this. i find myself (pollyanna thanks) hoping like mad this is an "eye opener" for hm-

see- saying that- then i wonder if you should be a total stone wall- or if you should be old love self- i struggle with this alllllll the time. usually land on the square of "be yourself" - whether it rises or falls on it- we have to be who we are.

my lack of "image" and "strategy" may cost me alot- ?????

didja ever see yourself(myself) having to wonder over such little/huge things - ????? ever...

have a good day

[nero]

ya know linda- (and dawn too )

the "hope" thing. i have a feeling it's something totally beyond our control and out of our hands. not to say we couldn't force ourselves one way or the other if we felt we must- sure... BUT...

the question of that lingering tiny little "light" there waaaaay down inside (unextinguishable?) - i think it exists outside of our consciousness. maybe like "faith" some, something with it's own "life" in us, like personality or character.

it's nice to say & believe that ya gotta be true to who you are-
but part of that is- you cannot be someone else- it goes bad in the end- you're stuck with it(all) as well- good & bad together

what you do with it or about it- your call-

if it's there - it is. did that make sense?

[Verum]

Here is my tentative plan: to hug him good bye AS IF I am his wife whom he loves. And then let him go with love and go get my eyes fixed. And although I'll want to know if he landed safely and to let him know how my surgery went, I plan to avoid all contact with him unless he contacts me first. Thoughts?

I think your plan is fine. You're his W, so say goodbye, hug him and let him do what he'll do. (which he'll do anyway). I would also ask him to let me know he landed safely. Otherwise, whether to contact you is in his court.

[nero]

HEY LINDA AND GOOD MORNING-

HOEP YOUR DAY IS OKAY- BACK LATER WHEN I FIGURE OUT DEBACLE OF THE DAY. no discharge yesteday afterall- last minute blood transfusion- WHO THE HECK knew it took 8 stinkin hours to put in a couple units of blood - not me. no one bothered to tell us it was floating around - talk about no communiction (or courtesy) - stress sister had driven up couple hours to take her home and spend the nite- blew our plan -

ick- workin sister is gonna do that - spend nite. guess rest of her existence is in my lap asusual- geeez i want to run away today.

YESTERDAY ended badly- mother in a snit & really lashing out- holy cow- . HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOOD - HOPE you're doing okay-

xxoo ((( ))).

[uRworthy]

I like your goodbye plan, Rosa. Do it with a smile on your face. Keep it light. A simple, "Have a great trip." I would not say let me know you've landed safely.

He needs to be a big boy and deal with this all on his own. He needs to realize that he is making this choice and he has to deal with all that entails, including not having you waiting at home to hear from him.

You can do this.

[Wonka]

uRw, I would not even mention "have a great trip" or "have fun" to H because it gives him somewhat tacit approval for his assignation with the RT. We wouldn't want to give H ideas that Linda is A-Ok with this trip. NOT! Which is why I'm advocating for a neutral tone like be safe and leave it at that.

Remember it is H's choice to fly over there, get back-alley dental work, live in a cockroach invested apt and eat fermented oatmeal.