Newcomer's brief summary

[doubledown]

I wanted to share something that I think is very significant to my relatively new situation. I first posted that I found out my W was in a PA on 7/24/13. She still has no idea I am aware of any of this!

Last night, as she was scanning through her phone, she asked me: "what do you think about me going to a jewelry party on Saturday night"?

My first thought was disappointment, becauase this is the Labor Day weekend holiday and I thought we would be able to spend it together as a family. I also knew it would be a another ruse to see OM over the weekend. Since my W started her new job on 8/26/13, she hasn't been able to see as much of OM as she worked with him at her previous job.

So, I was silent. She said: "so, you don't have any thoughts on it"? I replied: "well, for two years you've worked every weekend and now you don't have to work weekends with your new job and I thought that meant we would all get to spend more time with each other, especially on the weekends".

I listed the activities we had discussed and she said we can still do that stuff. I would just go out afterward.

I was bothered, but realized I better back off. So, I said ok. that's cool. I could tell she was bothered and she remained pretty silent for the rest of the evening. After I put my son to bed and came back downstairs, she told me that she had forgotten her Dad's 75th birthday on Monday and she just read an email from her Mother reminding her of it. Of course, it was in a very passive, aggressive manner from her Mother. She and her Mother have had a very temultuous relationship since my W was a girl.

So, we went to our bedroom to get ready for bed and I could tell she was very preoccupied and bothered. I changed the subject and asked her if she could be home right after work the next day to get the kids from the sitter, so I could go to the bank. She said, well I can go to the bank for you, that way she didn't need to rush home. I was very bothered by that, because I knew she just wanted to see OM after work and this would interfere with her plan. Of course, I was trying to prevent her from seeing hom by asking her to be home soon after work.

I know she felt extremely guilty about forhetting her Dad's birthday and really bothered by her Mom's email.

I attempted to empathize with her about the situation and as I was talking she rolled over and turned out the light. I found that very rude, so I stopped talking abruptly. She said, "yeh, you were saying"? That bothered me, so I just said "I can tell you're bothered so, I'll leave you alone".

She responded with "well, I am bothered. It seems like you just don't want me going anywhere after work. You want me home. And you don't want me to go out on Saturday, you want me home. It's my first week at my new job and you expect me to be home immediately after work everyday".

Well, the week she was off before she started her new job, all she did was run around and see OM. She went shopping with him to get her new outfits for work, they had lunch, she would go to his job site and bring him snacks and drinks.

She also made it a point to shop for all the kids school supplies, clothes, etc. during her week off. So, I knew she was looking for flexibility after work to continue this and didn't like being cornered with my requests or observations.

She was right. I do want her home. Who wouldn't want to prevent as many encounters as possible with OM? So, I apologized and said: "you're right. It is only your first week and you need time to adjust. I want to support you in your new job and getting acclimated. I'm sorry about that. I'll back off".

Now here's the significant part: