You didn't push her to OM, she chose it. She never really came back. Relationships need balance to survive and she has not been making the deposits needed to make you feel whole.
The way you are living is hurting you and preventing progress. You need to back away so she has space to move back toward you if she is so inclined.
You must get emotional and physical distance and you will feel better. Once you feel better you can pursue the road back
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
