Newbie: Quick Assessments of my SIT?

[MagicJack]

I'm new to your situation and to the divorce busting concept, but I did recently find out that my wife was carrying on with secret relationships with ex boyfriends and also a new EA that she tried to leave me for before I exposed it and caused her great shame. She was sorry and willing to change for a few weeks before deciding I was too controlling and wanting to file for an immediate divorce. I think in a month once this is over she will try to be with the EA guy. If that's the way it goes, so be it.

I don't know why you are being so gentle with her about this. Is this a 180 for you and did you deal with anger problems before? I went overboard with my angry reaction to my wife's lies and cheating, which might have pushed her away.

When you found the phone did you give it back to her?

Have you set boundaries? It sounds like she is on the fence and waiting to see if this other doctor guy is going to come through for her, and using you as a safety net in the meantime. She will act like she loves you, but she is pining for him.

[censored] to hear i know.

My own wife told me 1.5 weeks before telling me she wanted a divorce that she loved me and would never divorce and was committed to me.

I think if you have any chance at this you need to show her that she can't walk all over you and "cake eat" as they say. She cannot have a secret cell phone that you don't know about, and must go NC with him or else she is out. I don't know if you want to expose this to others around you if she has family/friends with good values, but it might be something to consider.

I don't think you succeeded in accomplishing anything by telling her you would be the better person and not react when you caught her and she threw a fit. She suffers no consequence, and I don't think turning the other cheek is going to help much here since she is acting out of selfish reasons.

I don't think she is really committed to this R, just committed to keeping her life stable while she explores options with OM. I know you have a kid. maybe a 180 would be standing up to her and shutting her down, getting rid of the secret phone, and enforcing boundaries with consequences. She should know what she stands to lose imo.

But that's just my .02 and what the hell do I know anyway?