Thank you so much everyone for your words. 25yearsmlc - you are amazing - thanks for the 2x4 - I needed it. I will write more thoughtfully later today but right now I my emotions are just out of control and just need to vent. I am anger and didn't realize it. I don't want to punish my wife or worse yet, see my daughter get hurt in the process. I hate what is happening to my family and I am hurting bad today. I can't seem to concentrate or get anything done at work today. All I've been thinking about is how bad I want my wife and family in my life. I feel so defeated. I honestly feel like quitting and just throwing in the towel. I know that I am better than that. That I must fight and be strong for my family. I am so drained and just wish I can run away from everything to be alone. I will write later about the anniversary later tonight (hopefully after my daughter's swimming) but I feel like everything I've done was for nothing. I know that these changes are for me and me alone - but that is just the thing - I feel so alone right now. My wife and I have suffered too much already and it feels like everyday is a punishment. I wish we could start the healing process - that we were piercing and trying to work through our problems. I know that there is nothing I can do to speed up and fix this problem. It is out side of my control. The test of time is painful. I feel like I am literally on the edge of losing it. I will get through this but today is one of those bad days (seems like I am getting more of those these days). In spite of my pain, I just want my wife to be happy. With or without me. She deserves that. I am beginning to think that she is better off without me. I know I can't show her that but that is how I feel right now. I feel like a big loser right now but know I must press on. I will write later tonite when my thoughts and emotions are not as cloudy...
