So Drained

[Hurt84]

So I confirmed there's another OM. I'm not proud of it but I figured it out from snooping on her phone and Facebook. When she didn't come home one night a few weeks back - she stayed with him. When she went to Atlantic City earlier this week - she shared a room with him and a few other people. She has plans to go out Friday night - she's expecting to get "peer-pressured" into staying at his place.

It's not that I didn't already suspect it or assume it to be the case - I pretty much knew right away but wasn't looking to confirm it. Now that I know again, what does it really change?

-- I have a wife that wants a divorce
-- She hasn't given me any inclination that she's wavering on that front or willing to take time to sort through things
-- This isn't her first affair (if I can even call it an affair at this point since we've been basically in a live-in separation for close to 6 months)
-- She doesn't see our relationship more than something on a piece of paper.
-- When she came home after her first affair, as happy as I was that she was home, I was too afraid to initiate contact or anything with her for the 6 months or so things were "good", fearing that she wasn't ready or would reject the overture.
-- What affection or attention she didn't get from me she's obviously trying to get from someone else.
-- Even with her first OM out of the picture, I still managed to push her away towards this new OM. He only came into the picture in the last 3 weeks, when things started turning for the worst again.
-- He more likely than not will not be going away with the summer renters this weekend, I think he's got a year-round rental.

What good would confronting her do? She's already detached and probably just waiting for me to have enough and give her what she wants.

What's sad is that I'm still attracted to her and still would do anything in my power to make it work. Surprisingly he's been more pleasant with me the last couple days than she had been the last week or so. I've put on the biggest mask I can to keep up the good front and to try not let what she's doing affect our interactions.

This post is mostly me venting. I'm working on GAL and 180s (she wants to come to my 5k Monday) but confirming this and thinking about her constantly is tough. It's like I'm back where I was 18 months ago. Frustrating...