let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Thanks for the reply PS. That is how I feel right now. We both made mistake,but she is the one throwing it all away when there are other options to explore. She has let herself believe that her "happiness" is more important than anything else.

An interesting thing is, her mom passed when we were teens and her dad remarried about a year after we did, and she still resents her step mom for marrying her dad and "changing everything" like she was erasing her mom.

[KindaHappy1]

My W had an inservice at my office today, so I made sure I looked my best and smelled damn good! I was in good spirits. After waking up feeling sad, I got my butt back on the treadmill for my personal best 3k, 31 min and 5 seconds, not too bad for me seeing how I just started running a little over a month ago and my time back then was 45 minutes!

Then, there was the scale. Besides running, I've really been watching every bite, I eat 100 to 200 calories every 3 to 4 hours and then I have a small meal in the early evening and fast until the next day. Now I had alreaddy started trying to lose weight before the first bomb. I was up to 260ish, and today, after running the scale showed 197.8! I can't remember the last time I weighed this little. Without a doubt it has been over 15 years, and I feel so much better in general.

So I was nervous about her coming in, plus I had taken a sleeping pill last night and its making me feel dull today. Anyway, I was calm cool and collected when she came in. I went about my business and essentially ignored her at first, then when it came time that I had to interact, I stuck to the business and I did ask about the kids. She was looking so unhappy, so I couldn't help myself and ask if she's been having fun and still so happy, in a friendly way. she mumbled that she was doing ok. I asked if she had anything fun in her future, she said no, and I was like "Really? that stinks"

so then she asks me if I have anything planned, I got excited and said "Yeah, quite a bit!" and then got called out of the room. After the in service I waled her out the door so I could ask about the weekend with the boys. I explained that I had plans on Sunday, so Saturday or Monday would work best for me. I think asked about my son's color guard performance at the Football game on Friday. I had asked if we could go together when I met her on Sunday, but today I told her that we don't need to go together. I said if the boys go with I'd like to hang with them, and then said "Bye, take care" and walked away feeling good.

[AnotherStander]

I was up to 260ish, and today, after running the scale showed 197.8!

That's awesome, congrats!!

She was looking so unhappy, so I couldn't help myself and ask if she's been having fun and still so happy, in a friendly way. she mumbled that she was doing ok. I asked if she had anything fun in her future, she said no, and I was like "Really? that stinks"

Don't read anything into it, even if she is unhappy she's got a journey of many, many months ahead before she might emerge from the fog. Just stick to your DB'ing.

so then she asks me if I have anything planned, I got excited and said "Yeah, quite a bit!"

Well done! Always show PMA, don't let her foul mood affect yours. Good job!

I think asked about my son's color guard performance at the Football game on Friday.

My older D was in the marching band each year of HS until the football season ended and then would compete in Winter Guard. I SO miss those days of going to her performances and competitions! Her band competed at state both times they were eligible, talk about "proud parent" moments! Enjoy it while you can because it'll be over before you know it.

[KindaHappy1]

And today, the roller coaster takes a dive. I called my boys last night and found out that W was working late, which I don't believe, and the boys were home alone. They are old enough, but I'm sure the just sat on the computer all night.

I texted my wife asking if she could let me know when she will be "working late" so I could be with the boys. I said that I really miss them and it made me sad to think of them home alone. I thanked her and said that I hope she understands. Then about an hour later, I heard for my boy who was still at school. He said W was going to pick him up in a few minutes. We talked for a while and she hadn't shown up. So I called and got her voice mail. I admit, I was pissed because I could be helping take care of these boys.

I left a message asking her to call me stating that I could pick the boys up when needed.

Then I lost it after an hour of no text or call back. I should have given my phone to someone else. I called and left another message. I am so weak! I said that I would appreciate a call back, but if she didn't want to, I was ok with it. Then I went into "fixing/ damage control" mode and I texted her again, telling her that she did a good job at the inservice and I told her it should make my job a bit easier, and I thanked her.

This morning she sent a text saying thanks. and I texted back that it was nice seeing her, but she looked kind of down, and I said that I hope she has a better day.

I didn't sleep well, again, and I know it wears me down. I hate not contacting her and her not contacting me, but I know that it is time to go dark, for my own sanity.

[JayMan]

The kids are a special weak point for me as well, but if they're not in any danger, then I would leave it alone. Just make your time with them fantastic quality time. This will draw them closer to you and vice versa, and W will just have to stew in her unhappiness.

[KindaHappy1]

The kids are a special weak point for me as well, but if they're not in any danger, then I would leave it alone. Just make your time with them fantastic quality time. This will draw them closer to you and vice versa, and W will just have to stew in her unhappiness.

Thanks! After rereading my post I can see that I was mad thinking she was with OM and I projected that on the sitch with the boys being home alone, which W and I would always leave them on their own when we went out the past couple years.

I need to try to detach more, and I need to try to stay cool calm and collected.

And yes, I need to have fantastic quality time with my boys, for myself and them. I know this will help me feel better.

[AnotherStander]

And today, the roller coaster takes a dive. I called my boys last night and found out that W was working late, which I don't believe, and the boys were home alone. They are old enough, but I'm sure the just sat on the computer all night.

A similar situation happened with my kids. We have 50-50 custody (weekly). Our agreement during W's weeks is the kids come to my house after school and then go to her house when she gets home (D16 drives, so she takes S10 over there with her). After S, W made an effort to be home by 6:00 every evening on the weeks she has the kids. 6:00 turned to 6:30, then 7:00, then 7:30. Now it's not unusual for her to get home at 9:00. Did I mention she goes to OM's house after work to "pick up her dog"? Um, yeah. Anyway, I started leaving for work early so I could be home by 5:00. What do you think the kids would rather do, be at my house doing stuff with me or sitting in W's empty house wondering when she'll get home? You guessed it.

What I'm trying to say is your wife is crapping in her own bed. It's between her and the kids, you shouldn't try to intervene. If she keeps doing it they will eventually get tired of it and figure out themselves how to spend that time with you. Leave her to her mistakes, she's going to make plenty.

[Positivespin]

Here is cold hard reality that I needed to learn........

When your kids are with her they are hers and when they are with you they are yours. Cold- I know

DO NOT TRY TO OUTPARENT HER- Its tempting (and will be very easy as she gets sloppier and sloppier in the fog)

When you get pissed off what do you do immediately??? I drop and do 30- helps clear the head

[KindaHappy1]

We met up at our house Friday night to go to the football game to watch S in color guard. Well, even though it wasn't raining there was frequent lightning, and we had to wait to see if they were going to allow the game. So we hung around and talked to another couple, parents of my youngest's friend. W and I didn't really talk to each other, the other couple did most of the talking.

Game got canceled til Saturday after an hour of waiting, so we gather up the family and head to get ice cream, and I enjoyed that. I was planning on taking the boys out today, but when we heard the game was rescheduled, we switched my day to monday. Then my youngest made plans to go out with friends, only to find out that the color guard we not going to perform. So I'm a bit down today.

[Positivespin]

What happened over the weekend?