I think I told him at one point during all of this that I hoped that one day he could find happiness within himself. I guess I rank this up there with the drug addicted moms that can't put down the pipe for the sake of getting their kids back. Because in the end, he's running from his D as well.
Exactly, and in fact I bought the book "The Happiness Trap" for my W's birthday last year and gave it to her, I told her I hoped it would help her find happiness from within. I know she read it for a while, but not sure it had any impact on her. The book helped me a lot though.
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I also have a 3 foot radius that I don't like people in, so I'm pretty good at keeping them away from me anyway.
LOL! I have a friend that has a big bubble like that, we do things to infiltrate it just to drive him crazy
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I'm struggling with are they nice or truly interested?
Guys are nice to women when they are interested in them, so if they are being nice then they are interested
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I can remember H and I talking about the wall and him asking me to let it down to let him in. And I can remember how sweet and sincere he was when we had the discussion. I get mad at myself for allowing myself to become vulnerable.
He probably was sincere at the time, but like we were talking about, people can change so drastically! I think I'll always hold relationship interests out at arm length so that if they go WAS/ MLC/ whatever I don't feel that great of a loss again.
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I know that I am not emotionally over H, even though I feel confident that I will survive if I move out. I'm still grieving the loss of the M. Living under the same roof makes this harder.
My W moved out pretty quickly after BD, that definitely helped me get over the emotional loss although I do still grieve the loss of my M a bit and probably will the rest of my life. I always thought it was forever. I don't miss W anymore, but I miss having my kids all the time.
Originally Posted By: subguy
When I see "give myself over" I read lose myself. That is something I do not want to go back to. I guess the trick is to love someone who does not want to fix or change us and for us not to feel the need to fix or change them... just be. * I may have misread the intent of that sentence, correct me if I am wrong.*
Yeah, it's hard to describe what I really meant by that, but it wasn't "lose myself". Perhaps it's more clear if I talk about it in terms of codependence. I guess what I am saying is I don't see myself ever being codependent again. Personally I think in a healthy marriage there needs to be a degree of codependence, after all it's supposed to be joining two people into one team. But knowing what I know now, I don't see myself ever being codependent again. I can still fall in love, but I will always maintain my independence in future R's. I think the nature of my future R's will be quite different than it was in my M. Who knows, maybe someone will come along and change all that, that's just the way I feel right now and we all know how feelings are subject to change
