Val,

It is an important first step for the two of you. Talking things over. Obviously, it wasn't easy at all.

We cannot change our WASes perception of things as they see things as they do and it is their truth whether we agree with it or not. Sometimes in the midst of the divorce process, we all have said and done things in the heat of the moment that we regret and can't take back. The past has passed-as T said in his thread.

Perhaps when the emotions settle a bit more and enough time has passed, you might want to consider taking the next step to reach out to XW as she thinks that the ball is in your court.

State to her that you appreciated her being open and honest with you which required a great deal of courage from her. Then make a genuine apology for your part in causing her pain and ask how you can make amends. I'm thinking it'd be an important step in conveying to XW that you 'heard' her and that you're making sincere efforts to aid in the healing process for the two of you.

I think what you can take away from the convo is that XW is very wary of your reactions and has her guard up to a certain extent in a self-protective mode. You are going to have to figure a way to transcend beyond old conflicts and old pain. Again, I do believe that asking for help in making amends with XW would be an important step forward in achieving that goal.

Let me share with you a bit on the first phone conversation I had with Ms. Wonka last Fall that was a first in many years. She told me that she wanted a healthy R, being able to support and encourage each other with mutual respect. That was big coming from her and that did soften things up between us. Perhaps in time it will happen between us. Who knows? But it starts with a dialogue, then many more thereafter.

I know you are a very thoughtful, insightful woman and good at analyzing stuff from various angles. Wanted to share my POV to give you some additional information on how you'd want to take the next step with XW.

You can do this!! laugh I'm right behind you propping you up.