the "hope" thing. i have a feeling it's something totally beyond our control and out of our hands. not to say we couldn't force ourselves one way or the other if we felt we must- sure... BUT...
the question of that lingering tiny little "light" there waaaaay down inside (unextinguishable?) - i think it exists outside of our consciousness. maybe like "faith" some, something with it's own "life" in us, like personality or character.
it's nice to say & believe that ya gotta be true to who you are- but part of that is- you cannot be someone else- it goes bad in the end- you're stuck with it(all) as well- good & bad together
