Me- LBS or WAS?

[ForeverYoung]

However, kissing the guy won't help you get the answer you need. I know you like spending time with him, but I would avoid it. It's like trying to lose weight but stocking on Ben & Jerry's

I tend to agree with Tori...

Then again, don't forget what they say: You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Chubby Hubby.

[littleGTO]

LOL!!! I love the analogy, Tori. And, point well taken.

And, ruby, thanks for your continued support, too!

I don't know my path ahead (none of us do) but I do know the path that I am on. The one-day-at-a-time path!

New job is fun but A TON OF WORK!! It keeps me happily busy! I am exhausted at the end of each day and have not initiated texting with cute guy for 3 days (big for me)...I challenge myself to get through the work week w/o initiating contact (& I so want to), but the exhaustion helps tremendously.

H has still been hanging out at house whenever he can. I told him he is welcome to hang out as much as he wants. He left work yesterday to go to his C. He is battling depression over loss of R with OW.

Boys will stay overnight (again) this weekend (one night) with H. New for us, as I suggested this as a new normal routine for boys. I like the idea of one transition at a time for them.

[JuneReN]

You sound good Turtle :))

This is the new normal.

[AnotherStander]

H has still been hanging out at house whenever he can. I told him he is welcome to hang out as much as he wants.

I'm not a big fan of this kind of "open door" policy, you're letting him cake-eat to some extent. And do you really want him around all the time anyway? Is that healthy for YOU? You might consider placing some kind of restrictions on that.

He is battling depression over loss of R with OW.

Queue "Cry Me A River" on a pinky-sized violin, LOL!

[labug]

I hate when a post disappears.

GTO, do you think your H has been depressed for a while?

You mentioned a while back that he was wondering if his life was just going to be shuttling from event to event. Did her ever bring that up before?

We can get so caught up in being busy that we lose sight of what we're trying to create. Parents are stressed and burnt out, kids are stressed and burnt out. I'm not casting blame at you or him, it seems to be almost an expectation in modern life that every minute must be filled with something.

Do you sometimes feel you have too much on your plate?

Have you ever thought of running away from home?

[Positivespin]

This just hit me ( I know I'm slow)

I'm going to try to think like a guy

It has to be a real kick in the a$$ to be dumped by your make believe girlfriend. The fantasy he had of the perfect relationship was crushed in reality.

How the hell does anyone compare against her now?

He " lost" something he never "had"

WOW

I suggest you give the man a lot of space because he will be in meltdown soon and it will not be pretty

[tori2012]

Good questions by Labug.

GTO, take the time to think about the answers. With your work obligations and three children, it's easy to get burned out.

You sound strong, and that's great. Continue giving yourself the time and space you need to make decisions. No Chubby Hubby or Chunky Monkey :-)

[littleGTO]

LOL, Tori! I laugh because honestly my H is hot! Nothing "chunky" about him at all!

AS- When H comes to house after school to see boys I am not here. In fact I have barely seen H all week. Works for me. Works for boys, and H gets to see them too. Maybe it is cake-eating, but it works for now.

labug- H has mentioned the over-involvement in activities for 2 years now...just about the beginning of his MLC. But, yes, he and I have always disagreed about the number of activities the boys are in. So, that has caused some resentment on his part (as we allowed them to get involved to my liking,not his).

But, everyone we know has the same kind of lifestyle--not to say that it is right or wrong. It just IS. That's part of the reason the "we" of our marriage got lost. Married was always secondary to family.

PS- I do worry about what you said that now that OW has "dumped H" and has lived in this fantasyland with her for quite a long time that how will anyone (including me) ever live up to that? Not that I think I need to live up to anything in his eyes anymore.

He IS in meltdown mode- very dark depression. Not sure how long it will take him to come out of it, but if he allows her to remain in his life even as a "friend" at work, I fear he will not surface to reality again. And, that is very scary. I will not be around to see him spiral again and again, at least not as his wife.

[littleGTO]

I saw my C today and one thing I said to her was that I think I could forgive my H much more easily as his friendly co-parent than as his W. My expectations of R are quite high, so...

My C said that R with cute guy is "dangerous," as some of you here have indicated it to be. She said make sure to "stick to your boundaries," which I told her was NO SEX with cute guy.

I just don't think I could go there and then be in a good place. And, I certainly don't want to end up where H is!!!

[JuneReN]

Interesting about forgiving H as a co parent, but I think it is a step you can take because it doesn't involve you directly, you know? it's "for the boys" which is a step that lets your guard down a little. I think any reconciliation must be a process of tiny steps, because there is so much to look at and repair.

It makes perfect sense to me.

While my H doesn't have fantasy OW he does have MG, whom he texted and said if he had met her first he would have married her. Sometimes I get the feeling H is just biding time. So I understand the mourning process your H must be dealing with.