It's as if i already know the answer when i ask the question, but sometimes i just need to be talked down from the ledge. It's nice to have people here that can point me in the direction that i knew i should be headed all along.
I'm not going to lie, it has been getting a bit harder lately. When i have my kids on the weekends they tell me the during the week that XW doesnt really do much with them, or pay much attention to them. It's hard to hear your kids hurting for attention when your not there to give it to them. XW seems to think they are doing just fine and they are adapting without any problems. When i have them on the weekends, S7 tells me that during the week S4 cries cause he misses his dad. It is so hard to know that their hearts are broken. I hate XW right now for that.
They make me laugh and i try my hardest to keep them busy and keep them laughing as well. Last Sunday, S4 asked me how many more days he got to spend with me. I replied "today is Sunday, you are going back with your mom tonight." He said "no way dad, i still have clean underwear left in the suitcase, i can still stay longer!" I will remember that line for the rest of my life. We all laughed, but in the back of my mind i know it's hard on them both as well as myself.
So, i guess it's time to move on. I am not sure where i am going to start exactly, but i know i have to start digging myself out.
I think i am going to start posting a little bit more in the next couple weeks to help clear my head. I am also planning a vacation for next spring by myself. I have always wanted to just throw a tent in the truck and start driving and not come home for a week or two. I am planning on ending up in Moab, UT. At least that is one goal i am hoping to achieve. Being alone might be out of my comfort zone a bit, but i am looking forward to it. It's just relly hard to wait until spring when summer isn't even over yet!!
Thanks everyone for your support.
Me: 41 W: 36 M:9 yrs Together: 12 yrs Kids S7 S4 BD: 01/13 W filed 5/13 D final 8/13
