I also know that my wall is still up, like it was when I met H. This time, it will not come down as easy.
I honestly don't know if I can ever drop the wall again. I trusted my W implicitly, she was always a good, genuine, loving, loyal person. If she can change like she has, then anyone can. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone like that again. That's not to say I can't be in love, but I don't know if I can ever "give myself over" to someone again if that makes sense.
I think their is a difference between loving someone, allowing them in if you will and "loving" them so much that they make up my self worth. The first is a healthy love and the second in unhealthy. For me anyway learning to love myself again and be true to me is crucial. When I see "give myself over" I read lose myself. That is something I do not want to go back to. I guess the trick is to love someone who does not want to fix or change us and for us not to feel the need to fix or change them... just be. * I may have misread the intent of that sentence, correct me if I am wrong.*
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
