BC39.....The fight for my marriage continues

[lovethehub]

What exactly was it that lifted your fog? How and at what point do you think that your H was gone for good. Did a letter not work the last time?

T, my actual A lasted a few month but our issues lasted another 4 years or so after. One of my big issues was H would say he wanted a D whenever anything would happen. After PA ended, I would reach out and text OM whenever H would leave again. He wouldn't leave physically but he would leave emotionally. I could not decide what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to leave but I had little belief it could work, that H would get over A, that we could be happy again for more than a few weeks/months at a time. In Feb, he was just done, he dropped the rope as they say here. There were no specific actions that told me this, it was an attitude, a feeling. I tried to give him a letter and he told me he was tired of my letters because they said one thing and then I did another. That is when I read DB/DR and just quit trying to work on us and started working on me.

I wasn't in a fog that whole time, maybe the first 6 months. The rest was a lack of R skills, fear, mistrust (for both of us), etc. We were doing what you and W were doing - we would be "split up", reconcile, start off ok, date, have sex,etc. but one little mistake on either part could send the whole thing south and we would be back to square one. As you know, each time it gets harder to start over.

I mean when yoi think back at your sitch,.do u not feel that while your disatisfaction was warrented,.some or all of your behavior or respons to the feelings you had were at the minimum bizarre, and at times bordering on insanity? I haven't read your story so excuse me if I am way iff,, its just most WAW have not thought out their fantasy and execute with no plans and say and do things that make us lbs feel they are possesed.

I'm not sure I acted crazy but I know my H definitely thinks I did. I can see how, after years of acting one way, them beginning to act another can seem bizarre; and in some situations I have read there really is bizarre/insane behavior.

We just cant believe the situation requires such immature, selfish behavior when there are one thousand other ways to deal with matriage issues.

Do you feel that your behavior leading up to having a WAW was immature and selfish? There were a thousand ways to deal with M issues prior to WAW also. I think that was my point. LBS' feel they are selfish, crazy, etc. but then their behavior prior to WAW was most likely selfish, immature, etc..