Not wanting to "reward" her "bad behavior" (and forgetting yours) is exactly what I used to say when my h worked late. He did it often. There were times he didn't have to work as much (& times he really did) & i felt our family was in second place to the accolades of his colleagues.
Yes I resented it and feared if i was warm & loving when he came home, he'd think it was fine to work needlessly hard. I was an idiot.
INSTEAD, i should have given him a warm welcome home hug and NOT crossed arms.
It took me years to decide if i wanted to be happy, or "right."
If this affair is something you want to throw in her face in fights, or hang over her head forever, pretend you played no role, blame it all on her and file...
but wait, you are here on this site for a reason, right?? Being married and happy is the goal, correct?
Because right now it Sounds like you want to be "right" more than anything.
And Hey, fyi,
It's Not your job to "teach her a lesson", or show her the consequences of her choices.
As my DB coach said, "Life does that for them."
Be in the moment. Show her how safe it is to be together. Let her relax around you. Truly. Stop the guilt & pressure.
***Your biggest enemy is your past behavior, not OM. Drill that into your head.
Rent a comedy. LAUGH together & bond over some good moments...or keep wallowing.
If this feels like a bit if a 2 x 4, it is. Read your first posts here.
Don't get amnesia. Dig deep & do the work. Give her something to miss.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
