Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[Live4myDay]

JJ, Well, I know for me it's a long way off before he even can see me again...so I'm doing my GAL, PMA, 180's...working on me stuff. I suppose that's what the coach is helping you with? I mean I have no contact with X...a very few exceptions, such as asking me about cremation bill regarding our dog.

He doesn't ask or want to know about me (guilt, shame, too hurt, i don't know) but honestly he acts as if he's all ok with everything and mature about it all. Still very angry with me and can't look me in eye when we do run across each other which is about twice a year.

I just hope he may hear of how wonderful I'm doing through my friends family and possibly mutual friends on facebook. It just doesn't seem to phase him.

If and I mean if, he ever thinks about us, it will be 20 years down the road as he is in love with this OW. As he told my parents they are compatible and have so much in common. I expect now they will marry at some point. It's been going on 3 years with long distance relationship...every visit is a honeymoon.

Not sure how a coach could help me on this...

My goal...I'd like for him to see me as the person he fell in love with. He made me into such a monster, such a horrible person compared to his new soulmate. He's told me, I don't like who you are as a person. A lot of very hurtful things. I've slowely gained "respect" from being the caretake of our D. But I'm a mom and he still has a lot of faults with that (being an enabler and not helping her independence). Things of which he has no idea what goes on since he is a Holiday dad visiting twice a year.

Anyway, my goals to achieve this would be:

1. Live my live as Assertive, Independent, self-assured person

2. learn to communicate and present myself in the above manner without the sarcasm, blame, victimization, etc.

3. become more healthy through cooking (D already lost 20 lbs.) I'm a GREAT cook but to him I don't cook healthy. He's all into eating healthy now with OW.

4. become more athletic. I used to bike to work and ride 30 miles a day, etc. You know with kids, job, lifestyle, it became harder and harder to have time for me. Now just as hard as I care 24/7 for D. but I have to make it work, for me! I want to lose weight in the process and go for trail hikes and ride bikes again. I joined a dragon boating club. things like that I used to be a part of.

5. Financial independence. I do accounting bookkeeping for a living but never made time to keep our personal finances in order. He didn't help either. We lost everything after D accident, house, car, truck, credit, business, etc. Blamed me for all of it...took some of the credit but mostly me because I had worked for our business for 10 years. When market bottomed out and couldn't stay a float, it was my fault. I just started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes WITH my D. She's 22 and I want her to learn about her own money.


Ok...my life goal, once I achieve my 180's:

1. D independence. Not out of my life but where she can live on her own whether with hired help, or a relationship.
2. Companionship/Friendship
3. Financial Stability

I would love nothing more than to grow old together with my X and have our family D and S and their families together. Reconciled with both sides of families and mature the love we truly have for each other.... yeah and cinderella lived happily every after.

If not X, I know the kind of person I want to be with. Not searching but eventully I feel God will lead me to him...I pray it's my X.

I don't know how that will ever happen. I have nothing but love for him, yet his R with OW is starting to eat away at me. My sister said I need a rebound...someone to take my mind away from him and put back on me.

What do you think? I know pretty long and not meaning to hack, but honestly, how can coaching DB help me now going 3 years divorce with no contact?

That's why I asked you...you may have more contact on a monthly even weekly basis so there are instinances, but what can I do? but patience patience patience and wait for him (WAS not so much MLC) to get his heart broken by OW. I don't see it happening. And when I do become the BEST me that only a fool would leave... He'll be happy for me. Is it possible to change that around? Not when you're invisible and buried while OW on pedastyle.