So I backslid. Everything was over and I just felt I should apologize. I might have gone over board with the apology and I know the advice on the community is that I shouldn't have sent it but I did. I don't know if she read it and I doubt it will change anything- perhaps at best too little too late.
I realized though I did it for her as I don't want her to feel hurt or guilt. I know this just doesn't help me as it makes me look weak and that I bothered her but I don't care about how I look. In the end though I realize I would like peace and this will be the last step and/or the first step.
I've made mistakes and this might have been another. This though is a 180 I think in the right direction. Overall, this has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders.
I can honestly say that right now I'm at peace. I know that after sending that letter that I have done everything I possibly could. I should have done it sooner perhaps, but now I'm not tormented with what ifs and wondering if she feels bad. I also feel better for apologizing for everything.
I do believe we could have worked on things. I know that isn't to be. Doesn't change the desire. I'm moving forward now though in life to discover new love. It isn't easy, as I still do love her. I'm trying to take it day by day.
I truly hope she is happy.
From here on out I have to keep NC. I have to move forward and just learn from it all. I cannot change the mistakes of my past but I can work towards a better future.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
