I find it very interesting to see how many LBS's want to believe that there must be some explanation for their WAS's behavior (hormones, depression, etc.) and that they refer to how 'crazy' their WAS is. I know my experience isn't the experience of ALL WAS's, however, I am sure there is a large percentage who became WAS's for the same reason - years and years of unmet needs, ignored requests, loneliness, poor treatment, anger, etc.
I wasn't crazy, my hormones didn't go wild and I am not depressed - nor was I. I just finally couldn't take it anymore. If you read MWD's chapter on WAW's, I thought "OMG, finally, someone who understands me". It was exactly how it happened for me.
Therefore, like everyone said, focus on yourselves. It is the only thing you can control!
BC, I understand your confusion about detaching when your W feels you abandoned her or weren't there for her emotionally. Detaching doesn't necessarily mean ignoring her, it means removing your expectations from the outcome.
Also, every situation is different, I know for me my H made it really easy for me to stay confused and not have to make a decision. Each time I was 'willing to work it out' he was right there ready to move ahead. Each time I wrote one of those amazing letters, things got better for a while. I am not saying I think your W was lying when she wrote the letter you mentioned, or that she doesn't mean that she is willing to work it out when she says she it. It just seems that she wants to and then as soon as you start to try, she is no longer sure because she is truly confused. If you keep being right there to try again, do you believe this will change?
What exactly was it that lifted your fog? How and at what point do you think that your H was gone for good. Did a letter not work the last time?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
