Living In The Now (La Deuxieme)

[JuneReN]

Your pack is here. :-)

Does H know about the boundary?

I know you guys are here. <3

H doesn't know about boundary because it doesn't concern him. It is for me. If he gets to learn as well it is an added bonus but it won't be a "so there" move. I will tell him why and what if mg comes to pass down the line. I will let him know I love him but will be stepping back from his life. While we will be parents that to become friends will be on a new undetermined timeline.

This is my person.

[willbwell]

Guys, what about financial fears? fears of having no one to take care of you as one ages? fear of being alone? fear of the trauma of divorce?

Will try and plan for the financial thing( taking classes now to help find future employment)

Lately, I've been trying to recognize my fears so I could get a handle on them. To get past them...

[JuneReN]

Yes your DB wolf pack IS here Ruby, and ready to move in at your signal. And we're fierce, grrrrrrrr!

Thanks for addressing the fear post Ruby. I guess that letting my H go completely is my greatest fear too, but it's being taken out of my hands in a week. Then I'll have a month to do the work at eliminating that stomach pit.

I truly do not believe that your H is in love with Massage Girl. Infatuated maybe, but true love? Nope. Their relationship is built on sand. You have been a life line and support for me Ruby. What would you tell me if I said I think my H loves the Russian Tramp? That their relationship is made of smoke and mirrors, not real at all, a temporary infatuation. Right? Same goes for your H and MG. It just seems to me (no vet by any means ) that your H is moving more towards you, a bit every week. It's easier to see from out here, reading all your posts and not having to live them!

I seem to remember you saying that your H gave you permission to smack him if he goes back?! Besides cutting the ties, I hope you take him up on that!

Thanks Linda and will be catching up on everyone soon. I am glad you see movement. So do I but am not confusing it with his growth. As Breakdown has said it's circular but its not my journey is it now?

I also have to say that I can't say if he is truly in love. I'm not him. Do they have the history and connection? No. But she may give things I can't or don't. Who am I to say??

But thanks Linda. And no to the RW and your H. . That's a green card

[BrightFuture]

So many parallels. In my sitch, I decided to cut ties....at least as much as possible. I think the continued contact was preventing her from truly figuring out her stuff. As long as I was there as her crutch, she just seemed to spin the same pattern over and over.

Are you watching your H for those same patterns? Is he circling? Or is he progressing?

This is just the opposite of my sitch. I don’t have contact with H, but it doesn’t look like he is figuring out his stuff. Or, maybe he is, and this is why he is sticking to his decision to stay apart.

Ruby, I understand your fear of letting H go completely. I don’t have much contact with my H, but I think that I have this fear too. I catch myself thinking about it sometimes. I know I will be OK without him, but then I don’t know what to do with all the history and memories. I’m still working on this.

[tori2012]

It's a long road...but the fear will eventually dissipate. In my case, I've let go of the fear, but the anger and sadness come back often. Let the emotions pass. They will.

[littleGTO]

ruby,

wow. That took a lot of honest truth to let SE2 go...knowing you, I'm not surprised, and I think you did the right thing. He wanted what you did not have to give right now.

Glad to hear your life will get real busy for a while. If H and MG reunite it will give you distractions enough to only deal with yourself, so it will give you ample opportunity to have NC with your H.

I love the honesty between you and your H. But, that takes a lot of strength to open up in that way and to endure the harsh reality of what is happening.

You are right in that your H in the only one who can answer whether or not he "loves" MG. Perceptive is reality. I believe he could be "in love" (beginning, puppy love/lust) but does he "love" her (deep, true, down-in-your-soul love). I believe he loves you and I think you do too.

[JuneReN]

Ran with H today, he texted and asked if I wanted to come in early for some nibbles. So , I did. I waited, he finally asked what movie we saw. I told him and explained my choice to not continue the dating.

That's neither here nor there because what I want to share is what SE2 sent.

He told me I was beautiful, kind and evolved. For the first time in my life I could accept this because I feel my insides and outsides match. That the person I was with SE2 was not a construct. It was authentically me. Okay, so he didn't get ALL my crazy, but i wasn't pretending either.

Those of you who know me on the alt or RL know I am not "beautiful". I am not unfortunate, but Victoria's Secret has yet to come knocking. But when SE2 said that, all I could think was "Yeah, I am."

[subguy]

In answer to the fear post I certainly realize that fear is part of life. But what I am saying is to look at why it exists in areas of our lives and what we can do about it. Facing them down instead of ignoring the why is tough but I find that the pit in my stomach goes away. The hamsters stop running and I am truer. I only refuse to let fear move in.

We have talked about fear before and I pretty much knew you had the fear thing down lol. For me it creeps up every now and then and I have to reevaluate where I am.

My last great fear is letting H go completely. So this speaks to BD. I am getting there on my timeline. Takes a lot of work to get there. I was exploring this myself last night when I thought of H and massage girl. How he is not done and still loves her. If he goes back then that will be when I cut the ties. To give him clarity perhaps and to protect my heart. This is the only boundary I have.

If that day comes, I'll be looking for my DB wolf pack

Ruby you are way stronger than you think, you have done the hard part of self evaluating... Learning to lean on friends is/was tough for me however I am finding the best friendships are being formed through that form of intimacy.

P.S. you are beautiful... don't let anyone including yourself tell you different.

[JuneReN]

Ruby you are way stronger than you think, you have done the hard part of self evaluating... Learning to lean on friends is/was tough for me however I am finding the best friendships are being formed through that form of intimacy.

P.S. you are beautiful... don't let anyone including yourself tell you different.

Me too, for the leaning on people, always didn't need anyone and now I find people willing to be there for me, all I had to do was be vunerable, something I never allowed.

The whole beautiful thing was that I never had the self esteem or the confidence to allow myself to think I was good enough as I was. This speaks to inner beauty. I always thought I had to be something else. But if you constantly fear what others' perceptions of you will be, should you be authentic and true, then you can't like who you are, becasue you never get to be that person.

Now I am, and it is very very cool

Not to say that some days I don't pretend strength when I have none or calm when I am freaking out, but these are parts of me too.

I always think of that little kid on you tube, in the mirror? "I love my whole HOUSE...ya ya ya"

I want to be her when I grow up

[RosaLinda]

Ruby  "I am glad you see movement. So do I but am not confusing it with his growth. As Breakdown has said it's circular but its not my journey is it now?

I also have to say that I can't say if he is truly in love. I'm not him. Do they have the history and connection? No. But she may give things I can't or don't. Who am I to say??"

Infatuation and real love are two totally different things! Love takes work, committment, a certain mind set. None of our MLCers are there yet with us, but will again, and in the meantime they have these OW giving them the adoration and attention they crave without having to do any work. Except for your H, he and MG are over. Maybe that's why he's still mooning over her - because she did the dumping. 

But I CAN see your H moving towards you Ruby. I don't know if it's growth or not either, but know that it is positive!

Ruby  I wanted to share what SE2 sent ....He told me I was beautiful, kind and evolved. For the first time in my life I could accept this because I feel my insides and outsides match. That the person I was with SE2 was not a construct. It was authentically me. Okay, so he didn't get ALL my crazy, but i wasn't pretending either.

Those of you who know me on the alt or RL know I am not "beautiful". I am not unfortunate, but Victoria's Secret has yet to come knocking. But when SE2 said that, all I could think was "Yeah, I am."

What a nice guy. Hope he doesn't ever turn into a MLC zombie. I feel like I know you pretty well from here AND have seen you on the alt and think that you are beautiful inside and out - quite adorable plus sincere, loving, kind, honest and deep thinking. A diamond prize! Don't forget that!