If he could find a decent country with beer and a grocery store close by, he would leave here immediately. And he's serious.
That's brilliant, because running away always solves everything, LOL! Whenever I hear something like this it reminds me of the old saying "wherever you go, there you are." I think your H is going to have to run before he discovers the demons he's running from are in him rather than behind him.
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My emotions are all of the board right now. 18 years with one person is a long time. It's hard to picture myself with anyone else physically right now.
My biggest struggle when I started dating was to learn to open up to other women again. I was very devoted to my W even before we were married. Other women would express interest, but over the years I learned body language, facial expressions, etc. to make it clear to them that I wasn't interested in that way. After 25 years it took a while to learn to undo that, LOL!
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I also know that my wall is still up, like it was when I met H. This time, it will not come down as easy.
I honestly don't know if I can ever drop the wall again. I trusted my W implicitly, she was always a good, genuine, loving, loyal person. If she can change like she has, then anyone can. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone like that again. That's not to say I can't be in love, but I don't know if I can ever "give myself over" to someone again if that makes sense.
