Success stories are found in the forum list. Right now you may be feeling so disoriented, shock, hopeless. I get it, and it will make concentrating difficult. Please take special care when you drive, it is VERY easy to go into your head and lose track of the road.
With that being said, I believe there IS hope. I vacillate still, but mostly hang on to this. You have a positive and a negative with him being home. Let's start with the negative, for I like to end on a positive note!
He is there, and he is watching e v e r y move you make and every step you take. Cue the music He'll be watching you. Start playing Sting!
SOOO you ask, how do I get my emotions out in a healthy manner without him being there to hear or see you do this? Gymn, walking , running, go to yard sales and by breakable dishes to go slam on the ground , ( when no one sees you or can hear you). Do the staircase, if you have one in your house. Lift weights, until your muscles are in fatigue. This will help with sleeping. If you play or have played tennis, this is AWESOME for stress. You can find a backboard and slam the H-ll out of the ball!
Act as if...this is when true Academy Awards should be given. When interacting in this stage, ( anger, resentment ) try and remember he has feelings for you, for if he did not there would be apathy. So he is really in pain, hurt over his perceived rejection of who he is. His body, his manhood, his sexuality. He is in a VERY raw state. Do NOT approach him for ANYTHING if possible. Children come first , we all know this. But that doesn't mean to look for reasons to interact. He will pick up on that immediately!
Now the good part. He is STILL in the house! He is watching every move you make E V E R Y step you take. Yes, can you hear Sting? This can work in your favor! This is when YOU must take up some out of the home classes, hobbies, or exercise. Do not ask him to watch the kids, just let him know you will be out as you walk out of the house and leave them with him! Do not give him the chance to say no. Make sure you have a back up if he does not arrive home from work in time for your scheduled event. Have a couple of babysitters at the ready and USE them. He will come home , and pay them. Just set it up as if he will be home before you, if not have your envelope of money ready.
These steps will help to pull yourself away from being IN the pain 24/7. Next is to start on what you think needs to be addressed in yourself. Reading, reading reading. The Library may or may not have the resources you need, but will be a place where you can read in private, meaning he does NOT see what you are reading. Keep smiling, even when you want to run from the home screaming! Been there... at first it is like pouring salt on a wound, but eventually , after a couple of months, your name will be called to get the award!
Keep the Faith, I'm with you in the cyber world and so are many great individuals from this site!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
