Turtle Goddess she of the hard shell soft

[RosaLinda]

oh J, oh J. My God your head must be spinning. I hate R talks, your H seems to keep throwing them at you. You are doing great standing upright after these poundings the past 2 days.

I'm so sorry for all of the lies he told you, that he blamed YOU for destroying your marriage, that he told you he cannot give up OW. The truth is more to be found in his next statement I think, when he said that the "worst" would be if he was not there with you. At your talk during dinner yesterday, was he still holding that "can't give her up" line?

My H told me the same sort of things, that he feels empty, an empty shell rather than himself. I bet this is where all of his EAs and RT come in - they do not know him as a "failure" but just as the virile man he presents himself to be online. These poor MLCers, they are so full of pain and have no self esteem at all. Doesn't it break your heart to see your H cry because he thinks you see him as a failure? You did great validating and sticking to your boundary that you cannot have a R as long as OW remains.

"So. I have been reminded that "this" is not about me. Its not about the marriage. Its about H.
So maybe I can back off a bit and give the man some space, some room, some time to save himself. All things I thought I had been doing, to some degree, but now I more fully see that this is not personal. Even though it sure as hell feels that way. But I'm just collateral damage"

Time and space are your gift to your H J. I hope seeing that none of it has anything to do with you or even with your marriage will help you to stay strong. Thanks for sharing your sitch, it is helpful to all of us.

PS and your poor MIL! Dementia must be so frightening. Sort of like MLC. Our Hs think we want to tie them up and cut off their, um, legs, too. Then they are off in La La Land at the dance, the belle of the ball. Lord help us all.